#having empathy for something like this isn’t a bad thing

[purgaytorysupremacy]

as the grandchild of survivors of the Second World War on both sides, this has been a really hard thing for me to internalize. none of my grandparents (nor my parents) talked about WWII much. I don’t actually know that much about what my families were doing, only that it was bad. I have an entire branch of my family tree that’s just gone and (supposedly) no one knows why. where I grew up in Canada had a lot of Holocaust survivors because we had large Dutch and German communities already, and every year until I graduated high school, we were fortunate enough to hear firsthand stories from survivors.

the one thing my grandparents would say and those survivors would repeat in their talks, over and over, until it was seared in my brain: “Never look away. You can’t let this happen again. The least you can do is never look away.”

I took this lesson very seriously. I was plugged in to the news all the time. I felt so helpless and useless and hopeless, but I wasn’t going to do the people suffering through it the disservice of looking away. I donated my money and my time and hoped to get into international aid, even joined the military because Canada is the nation of peacekeepers (Listen, I was a kid lol) and Gen. Roméo Dallaire, the Canadian who led the peacekeeping mission in Rwanda, was my hero. (Even as it ruined his life.)

I don’t know if anyone reading this had this same experience. I don’t know many people IRL who had this message drilled in so completely. (Being a white first-generation Canadian as a millennial is like that sometimes.) And I ended up breaking. I just couldn’t keep watching everything and being utterly unable to do a damn thing about it. It made me feel like a bad person and like I failed not only my grandparents but all those who shared their stories, so few of them who are still alive to do so.

Thing is, my grandparents got their news from film reels and this new thing called radio. The photos and documentation they saw from the time, both now and contemporaneously, was sparse and edited and targeted, for better or worse. None thought we would someday live in a world where individual people can upload hours of no-context atrocities from anywhere at any time.

Obviously, the “Never Again” and “Don’t look away” aren’t literal, but the way we pay attention now is different than they would’ve in the 1940’s or 1970’s. No one taught me how to stay true to something that has become a core value while not collapsing into compassion and empathy fatigue to the point where I have to look away.

I don’t have an answer on that balance yet, but just understanding that there does need to be one has been incredibly helpful. That doomscrolling isn’t helping anyone. That paying attention doesn’t mean knowing everything about everything at all times. We have more information by orders of magnitude than even existed in my grandparents’ lifetimes. We have to choose what “not looking away” looks like for each of us in the cultural and activism environments we live in. No one is more virtuous or caring because they’ve exposed themselves to more trauma than someone else. It’s not sustainable. You’ve gotta keep your oxygen mask on.

A video that was really helpful in me noodling this out—it’s been a lifelong project, and I’m sure it will continue to be—was Hank Green’s vlog on Webs of Care.

None of us can do everything, but all of us can do anything.

Hi. Things are bleak, I know that. I know that we paid for Trump's last term with blood and it is likely the price will be blood again.

But listen to me. LISTEN.

You do not have to force yourself to witness horrors as an act of activism. It is not a form of activism. You can put your phone down, you can block that horrific video. We cannot win if you cannot fight and you will not be able to fight if you are hopeless.

Do not let them guilt you into this. People who are exhausted are easier to walk over. Take care of yourself, find community where you find joy.

[thrashkink-coven]

Okay here’s the hard part.

I think a lot about that guy, so called Jesus, and his philosophy of radical forgiveness and empathy. For a long time I thought that was just a line abusers use to force their victims to forgive them (AND IT IS)

But! I also think about Lucifer and the things he taught me regarding the concept of hell. If I was the ruler of hell and I had to manage all these terrible people, what would I do? Torture them? Give them endless suffering so they feel guilty? Do to them what they did to others so they can understand how bad it feels?

Latinos who voted for Trump, oh you disappoint me, but no, I don’t want you to be deported. Women who voted for Trump, *sigh*, no, I don’t want to see you get an ectopic pregnancy or carry your dead baby. No I do not want all those conservative gays to lose their right to marriage. And no, I don’t even want all of those fucked up fascist nazi racists to die.

It would be SO satisfying to see them get what they deserve, right?

God, I’m so sick of being apart of a species that loves to conquer. We bleed, they win, they bleed, we win. I’m sick of patching wounds. All I see is hellfire.

My friend Taylor Mcnallie is facing fraudulent charges because of an altercation that happened while she was protesting in Calgary. The bitch of a cop who assaulted her not only received no punishment, she got a fucking promotion. I remember during one of Taylor’s speeches someone said something like “I hope she gets arrested and goes to jail,” and Taylor said, “I don’t hope she goes to jail. Jail shouldn’t exist. I just want her to get fired and apologize. That’s all I want.”

Pacifism, true pacifism, like the kind that guy preached about, doesn’t mean laying down and accepting every terrible thing assholes do to you with a smile. It means taking away their ability to harm without harming them yourself. Eliminating the evil without becoming evil. Punching nazis does not make you a nazi, but praying for the death and destruction of people, human beings, because you hate them as much as they hate you? *sigh*

The hardest part about this whole radical empathy thing, is the fact that I cannot even wish harm upon those who want me dead. Isn’t that funny? That literal neo nazi, yeah, I hope he has shelter. Fuck I hope that rapist still eats tonight. I hope he feels shame until the day he dies, but I don’t hope he gets raped in prison. I don’t even want him in prison to be honest, I want him to be cared for, and I want his ability to do harm stripped away.

“Even if he hurts a child?”

God damn it, yes. I can’t add more suffering into the world, even if it is inflicted upon the people I’d love to hate most. I want to take away his power to do evil, I want everyone to know what kind of person he is and the terrible things he does so they can keep themselves safe… and then I want him to be safe.

I want all those terfs to have clean drinking water. I know they hate my guts, ugh, it is what it is. But praying that they experience the pain they’ve caused me, hoping that they die or suffer only makes me more like them.

WHICH SUCKS. This way of thinking is NOT satisfying AT ALL!!! Being vindictive and petty is FUN and it FEELS GOOD!!! That’s why it’s so fucking easy, and that’s why we keep eating each other over and over again.

Having said all of this, we should definitely bring back the guillotine lmao. I’m not saying that we should be super nice to people who are trying to kill us, do fight back. If the people need to kill their oppressors to be free then, hey, I’m not going to tell them they’re wrong for that. This isn’t a “we should all hug and sing kumbaya together! Kindness is always the way!!!” take. If the only way to bring death to the empire is to bring death to its owners, then so be it. Do so in the way that produces the least amount of degradation to your soul.

But wishing natural disasters on Texas, hoping that that racist woman’s parents get deported, out of spite and hatred… what are they doing to you? What are you doing to yourself?

Humanity is disgusting, truly truly abhorrent. I want to be able to look at us and embrace us with acceptance of that. Every single fucking terrible person on this earth deserves liberty, life, and freedom. Even when you spit in my face and hurt the people I love, damn it, I won’t hurt you. I see you as a rabid animal that needs to be sedated and slowly acclimated to compassion. And I will keep trying, even if you never learn. I can’t give up on humanity.

This is the most important and the hardest part. I’m not telling you to forgive, forgiveness is for you. If it doesn’t serve you, don’t forgive. But don’t let people without humanity kill the humanity that exists within you. Don’t let hatred fester in your soul. You’re allowed to be mad, hell, you should be furious. Let that fury keep you warm, but do not become a monster too.

To all you stupid fucking fascist pieces of shit, I hope you get exactly what you deserve. And what you deserve is not death, pain or suffering. It’s self reflection and growth, guilt and humility. As much as I would enjoy seeing you hurt, I refuse to become like you. And damn it I love you, I love every human being on this planet. I love you so much that I cannot become you. I love you so fucking much that I will continue to fight for your rights even when you’re trying to take mine away. and I hate that I love you like this, but I can’t stop.

So I will stop you.

- James Baldwin

[sanasanakun]

Ok, so I joked about the Titan looking like a fleshlight which haha funny. But I had no idea Paul-Henri Nargeolet died in that thing. I’m legit upset. Nargeolet was the leading researcher on all things Titanic and deeply valued and respected that site. I’d understand why the other three guests would feel safe-ish (as we know the 19 year old didn’t want to go but went for Father’s Day since his dad loved the Titanic) after seeing Nargeolet was also attending.

Why tf did he get on that submersible though? Even James Cameron was baffled by his decision to go. Like the guy knew the dos and donts of subs going this deep. So it might be nerdy, but I’m a little heartbroken about this. The Titanic historian community has lost a valuable member all because of some dumbfuck’s hubris.

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

.

[floral-hex]

It’s been a rough couple of weeks. Anxiety run amok. Tried to distract myself by playing through Super Mario Bros, but I’ll be honest, that was stressing me out pretty bad trying to get through some of those levels. Unrelated but coincidentally (tangentially?), after an intense bit of playing, my anxiety flared up majorly. Heart racing, skin painfully prickled, lungs failing me. Oh well. That’s what drugs are for. So instead I started Death Stranding, which my little brother gifted me for Christmas a couple of years back but I just never got around to committing to. Much better choice. It feels like the perfect distraction for me right now. Frankly, I’m lonely. I feel cut off from the world. I’m scared and anxious and I have no idea what the future holds for me, but it feels bleak. So it’s nice to pop into this little world where you’re trying to make connections and explore the world, even if it is just a video game. It’s giving me something positive to focus on right now.

I just thought I’d make a text post. Mention a game I like. Just folded some laundry, I’m on my 3rd bowl of cereal right now, and I’ll do some dishes when I’m done. Trying to keep on moving forward. More bullshit in the tags.

[auroralwriting]

the gun

spencer reid x genius!bau!reader

oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both reached for the gun, the gun, the gun…

"you just needed to prove to Spencer, once and for all, that you had all the skills to be the best agent, the best genius."

word count: 2.3k

warnings: cm violence, blood, enemies to lovers, kinda rushed im sorryyyy, fem reader slightly mentioned

a continuation of this story can be found here

Spencer and you always competed. He had an eidetic memory, you had a photographic.

The difference between you two was anything you ever saw, read, you held in long-term memory. Spencer’s, though, resided in short term. However, Spencer was also an autodidact, meaning he could teach himself anything. You also had a vast emotional intelligence. You had such strong empathy, you could detect any micro-detail anyone displayed, making you the perfect lie-detector one that even Hotch couldn’t evade.

Spencer was Jason Gideon’s special boy. Gideon helped Spencer make his way in the BAU. You were David Rossi’s special girl, him noticing your skills from a young age when he met you during a case. He guided you to make all the best choices, leading you to the BAU as well. It took a few years, timing and all, but you got there.

When Dave transferred to Quantico’s BAU, he requested your transfer as well. He thought you would mesh well with the team. More specifically, he assumed you and Spencer would become a genius duo; totally unstoppable.

Oh, how wrong he was. It was from the moment you’d corrected Spencer on some statistic he spewed, you both became enemies forced to co-exist on the same team. There was never a civil moment, always some fight. It was sad, too. You remembered the first time you saw him, you were struck by how cute he was. Too bad he decided to hate you before you got a chance.

Vividly, you remembered the most intense fight you both had.

“So someone with a medical degree,” Hotch muttered. “That’s got to be impossible.”

“It’s more likely that have a nursing degree.” Spencer replied. “We’d be looking at around one hundred eighty thousand people a year. If our unsub is a new graduate, that’s the numbers we’d be looking through.”

You shook your head, “It’s actually one hundred fifty seven thousand. Also, narrow it down to nursing degrees in New York, and you get around eight thousand. Eleven percent were men, so around six hundred. Lower it even more to those who don’t have any family members, most likely from group homes, you can get maybe seventy?”

oh, yes

Garcia clacked away at her keyboard, “My baby’s got it! Seventy two people. If we’re looking at NYU specifically, thirteen.”

Pride filled your system. It was fulfilling when you were able to get things right. Spencer, on the other hand, wasn’t too happy about that.

“You know, nobody asked your opinion.” He scoffed.

“It isn’t opinion, Reid. It’s purely fact, ones you should probably get right.” Your reply had Spencer clenching his fists.

How dare you insult his intelligence? His IQ was much larger than yours, you weren’t one to speak on that. “Maybe you should focus on the case instead of trying to be a people pleaser,” Spencer sneered your way.

His reply made you roll your eyes, “At least I can tell what people want. You’re oblivious, Reid.”

oh, yes

Slowly, the two of you began to go back and forth, your voices raising. Before the situation blew up, Hotch stepped in, trying to mediate. However, Spencer mumbled something under his breath, something you couldn’t just let go. It hurt, stung like a bee, and you weren’t going to let him walk away feeling victorious.

“At least my mentor didn’t up and leave me.” you snapped. “He’s still with me, he didn’t just vanish with a stupid little note as a dingy goodbye.”

Spencer had paused, face dropping. You read him like a book, you’d gone too far. He showed minuscule signs of distress, grief, sadness. The room was silent, no one quite knew what to say.

oh, yes

“Reid, I-”

“Save it.”

Spencer had walked away, leaving you to feel shameful of your words. Rossi just squeezed your shoulder. The man knew you didn’t mean it.

they both

Since then, it was like the two of you were on each other’s cases, constantly bickering and arguing. Now, you were almost subconsciously battling each other for the genius role of the team. Was there any need to? No, not at all, but your fights had become not a battle, but a war.

You stood outside the bank with your team. “They have hostages,” You identified, attempting to peer inside. “There’s no way we can go in. It’s a suicide-murder mission.”

oh, yes

“There’s gotta be a way,” JJ shook her head. “Maybe there’s another way in.”

“It doesn’t look like it,” Derek sighed.

After a few hours, Will made the decision to go inside. You had to help hold back JJ as he walked in. Hearing the bullets made you sick. You physically had to double over, holding back the tears. It suddenly hit you how dire the situation was. You went back to the van with the team. No one really knew what to say.

"Did you see where he was shot?" JJ asked. "Is he alive or dead, Garcia?"

Penelope's breath was shaky, "I don't know."

"He was wearing a vest." Emily reasoned. "He might be okay."

JJ gave a smile, but it was one of disbelief. "Might be," She muttered, shaking her head in reply.

It was then that the team decided to go in. You shoved your gun in your holster, "I'll take first point," You offered. "Check and see if Will's okay. I'll try and manipulate them into letting me go to him." Hotch nodded. With your knowledge of psychology and your emotional intelligence, Hotch knew you could do it.

they both

"L/n, it's too dangerous." You heard Spencer say over the phone. "Just wait for me to tell you where to go in."

You rolled your eyes, "Reid, I'm not stupid. I've handled multiple hostage situations."

Spencer didn't reply. You liked that. This was the first time you'd be able to prove yourself without Spencer's help. This was honestly just a way for you to prove you were the better of the two. Your actions were motivated by the desire to be the best; a classic narcissistic move. You weren't a narcissist, though. You just needed to prove to Spencer, once and for all, that you had all the skills to be the best agent, the best genius.

Oddly enough, hostages flooded out of the bank as you made your way back outside. Maybe Will was alive and managed to get them all out. Once none more came out, you and two other cops began to make your way inside stealthily.

Right as you got in the middle of the bank, you heard Rossi's panicked voice over your comms, "Abort, abort!"

oh, yes

There was no time to reply. It all happened so suddenly. You heard the explosion before you felt it. It was hard to breathe. You couldn't see, hear. It slowly registered that there was a bomb, and it went off.

they both reached for

You had no clue where you had been thrown to. Everything felt cold, really cold. A loud ringing filled your ears as you slowly sat up. You touched your head, pulling back to feel stickiness on your fingers. Your vision was blurry, but you knew it was blood. You had to get out of the building. You needed help, medics, your team. Was anyone else in your team inside yet?

they both reached for the gun

A grunt left your lips as you stood up. You felt your legs give out under you, and you went down again. The desire to live was stronger than your physical weakness, and you stood up again. It was so dusty and hazy that you couldn't see. You leaned on the nearest wall for support, slowly using it to try and find your way out of the building. All that you heard in your head was get out, survive, get out, survive.

After what felt like ages, you felt a breeze against your skin. You followed it, hoping it would lead out, and it did. The light was harsh on your eyes as you tried to scan the area. It was then you saw Spencer and Hotch-- what was Spencer doing here? He was still at the BAU last you'd checked. Maybe the blast knocked you out cold.

Trudging your way over, you weakly called out. "Aaron, Spencer,"

the gun

Spencer knew he heard his name. He looked up from the blueprints of the building to see you, blood covering different parts of your body, your skin covered in debris and dust. You had limp, and your eyes were blown out. "Oh my god," he muttered, running over to you.

the gun

The genius took your in his arms as you fell into him, "How'd you get here?" you asked. "What's for dinner?"

Spencer took notice of your confusion as he allowed you to lean on him. He took your face in his hands, "Y/n, look at me. Focus on me,"

the gun

You couldn't directly look at him. Your eyes darted all over the place. "Where's Rossi? Did he go in?"

"No, Rossi's okay." Spencer leaned over his shoulder, "We need a medic!" He yelled, quickly turning his attention back to you. "It's okay, you're okay."

oh, yes

"I can't feel anything," you breathed out, "That can't be normal. Is that normal? Spencer, am I dying?"

oh, yes

Spencer shook his head, "You're okay, it's okay."

"I can't die," You softly whimpered. "I'm sorry, Spencer. 'M so mean to you, I don't mean to be."

Deep down, Spencer knew you meant what you were saying. The fear of dying without getting your true feelings out always lead to admissions of the truth. "I know, I know," Spencer smoothed your hair. "I don't hate you, I don't. You're going to be okay." Spencer slowly became anxious as he noticed the amount of blood seeping from your head. "Look at me, please, keep talking to me."

"'M sorry," You muttered, feeling your eyes grow heavy. Spencer's face began to fade as you collapsed in his arms.

Spencer felt his breathing grow heavy as he held you tightly. "Medic! She's-- oh, god, Help!"

they both reached for the gun.

A steady beeping was the first thing you heard as you woke up. The light was a blinding white, and you let out a groan at it. Your body hurt like hell, and your head was pounding.

"Shh, shh. It's okay, here, let me just--"

The white lights went out and all that was left was the stream of daylight coming through the windows, along with a lamp that was a warmer light. It was much more comfortable that way. You quickly guessed you were in a hospital. The beeping, white lights, smell of rubbing alcohol that you just identified.

"How do you feel?"

Spencer. You turned your head to look at him. His face held deep concern. He was holding your hand. "I--" You paused, considering his question. "I feel like shit."

He let out a soft chuckle, "Yeah. You kind of got exploded." That's right, the bomb.

"Oh, Will, the team, are they okay?" You softly asked.

Spencer nodded, "Everyone's okay, we got the unsubs. It's all okay now."

You remembered Spencer's words. You should have waited to go in. If you had waited, maybe you wouldn't be in this situation right now. "I should've listened to you." You stated weakly. "You were right. I was being stupid."

"Hey, no," Spencer quickly interrupted. "You were doing your job."

"I wasn't," you shook your head. "I wanted to prove myself. I-I wanted.. to show that I didn't just do victimology and simple hostage relief situations. I wanted to prove myself like you have." You stopped, sucking in a pained breath. You felt your eyes become glassy. "I wanted to prove to everyone I was just as good as you."

Spencer felt his heart break at your words. You both knew overall, he was smarter. It never occurred to him that your constant bickering was to prove yourself, and not to prove him wrong. "You're better." Spencer decided to say. "I mean, I can't relate to our victims, hell, our unsubs the way you can."

"Spencer,"

"I'm serious." He continued. "You're so important to this team. You-you push us to be better." Spencer cleared his throat, "You push me to be better."

You stared at Spencer blankly for a moment, "I never told you that I like this haircut."

Spencer gave you a slightly surprised look. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," You hummed. "It makes you look, I don't know, less like Einstein and more like, uh, a really smart James Dean."

"James Dean," Spencer repeated, "I've never gotten that one before. Are those meds talking right now?"

You shook your head slowly, "Probably the clearest I've thought in a while." You replied, causing Spencer to smile. "Why did you stay with me?"

Spencer paused for a moment, "I wanted to make sure you were okay. I know we bicker a lot. Well, more than a lot. Probably several times a day, but I still care about you. I-I was.. really scared for you. I don't think I could forgive myself if I let you walk in there and you'd died."

"It wouldn't have been your fault," You tried. Spencer just shook his head.

"It would have been. I should've rationalized it with you. When I saw you, I just thought, 'What have I been doing this whole time? Have I really been wasting my breath arguing with you when we could've made the best team'? I remember when Rossi first introduced you, I was like, 'No way someone this pretty is doing this', when you should've been some model or something." Spencer rambled. He did that, paired with hand fidgeting, when he was nervous. He rambled as he played with your fingers.

You took a breath in, hoping for the best. "Hey, maybe we could, uh, go to one of those team based trivia nights at O'Keefe's?"

"Are-are you asking me out?" Spencer asked.

"Only if you're saying yes." You responded. "I, uh, maybe thought we could start over."

Spencer gave a chuckle, "Yeah, trivia night sounds good. I'd like a retry at this. Maybe we're, uh, meant to be more than just a team."

You smiled at him, knowing that a simple friendship wouldn't be highest point of your new relationship with the genius.

[felixknow]

Bang Chan: Worshipper

sorry, I had to repost this. the last one wasn't showing up in search results.

Smut!!! MDNI, NSFW!!!!! Established relationship w/ plus size c!sfem reader; body image issues and breakdown; d@ddy k!nk, bbygirl said a lot, praise during intimacy, Chris being a soft dom basically <3

Chris opens the door and frowns.

“Babygirl, what’s wrong?”

“How do you know something’s wrong?” you ask quietly, dropping your bag from your shoulder.

“Don’t even get me started. You’re not looking at me for one, and you knocked on my door. Since when do you knock?”

You shrug halfheartedly, kicking your feet a little, nervously shuffling back and forth.

“Can I come in, or…?”

“Well, yeah,” he says, opening the door wider and taking your hand as you step inside. You take off your shoes and sit your purse down, then pass him, letting go of his hand. He stares at you, dumbfounded.

“Y/N.”

You shuffle into the living room and drop down onto the couch, curling into yourself against the arm, resting your cheek against the backrest.

“What happened, baby?” Chris asks, sitting behind you and gently trying to pull you toward him. “Talk to me. What’s wrong?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” you mumble, letting him turn you at least a little so you’re sitting facing forward. “I’m just… pathetic,” you whine, turning your face away from him so he can’t see the heavy tears welling up in your eyes.

“Baby, no you’re not.” He tries to pull you in for a hug, but you panic and thrash, throwing his arms away from you. His mouth falls open in shock, his eyes looking betrayed and hurt, and finally the dam inside of you bursts.

“I’m upset because I saw this beautiful, skinny girl and I saw her beautiful, skinny friends and I just started to feel so disgusting and huge and it didn’t matter how much progress I’ve made loving myself lately because when I saw them I just wanted to cry. I feel so disgusting, Chris. I don’t understand why you’d want to be with someone so huge and blobby. You should be with someone hot and pretty and skinny and beautiful like those girls.”

You can’t meet his eyes.

“I’m disgusting,” you mumble.

You can barely move out of an irrational fear that he’ll suddenly see you as terribly as you suddenly began to see yourself.

“You shouldn’t be with me,” you whimper.

You just want so desperately to shrivel up and disappear.

“Why would you say that?” Chris asks, hurt and empathy dripping from his voice. “Babygirl, you are beautiful. Do you hear me?” He holds your arm and tries yet again to turn you toward him, but you shake your head and keep your head turned away.

“Y/N, I don’t care what other girls look like. ‘Thin’ doesn’t mean ‘beautiful,’ the same way ‘fat’ doesn’t mean ‘ugly.’ It’s okay to have bad days, but you can’t genuinely think that those girls were better or more attractive than you just because something bad happened in your head. This isn’t my baby. Where’s my baby?”

He tries again to turn you toward him, and finally you let him, but you snap.

“This is your baby. Your huge, fat girlfriend who’s twice your size and probably is so fucking ugly when you try to lay her down to make love--”

Your voice cracks.

“How could you even want me? I’m disgusting.”

Finally you break, sobbing and letting him pull you into his open and waiting arms. He holds you tightly, shushing you and rubbing his hands up and down your back.

“No, no, no, don’t ever say that. Don’t do that, Y/N. I love every single bit of you. I think you’re beautiful. I love your body. I love your mind. I love the way you look, in your clothes and out of them. I don’t want a different girl. I want you and all your lovely curves and rolls. Don’t cringe right now, don’t you do that,” he says, scolding you when you flinch at his words. “You say all the time that I looove your curves and your rolls, and you’re right. But for some reason you can’t say it today, so I’m saying it for you. It’s not a bad thing to be big, Y/N. I love you.”

Your cries subside slowly as Chris talks, and finally you settle down to lip wobbles and quiet sniffles.

“I love you,” he says again, kissing the top of your head.

“I love you,” you say quietly.

“Can I see that pretty smile?” He pokes your side, making you turn away from him slightly. You know the barrage of tickles is coming before he even starts.

“Noo,” you whine, trying to scoot away from him, but he locks one arm around you and starts his tickle attack with the other, targeting your sides and your belly. Your laughs come loud and hard. Your lungs are sore almost immediately, and he doesn’t stop despite your desperate gasps of his name amongst your giggles and squeals as you squirm and push against his strong arms.

“You need Daddy to show you how perfect you are, huh?” he asks through gritted teeth despite his smile. His voice is a mix of teasing and stern, ready to slip into his dom role with you at your signal. You can’t respond properly through your laughter despite the slowing of his prodding fingers into your sensitive side.

“I think you need me to worship this beautiful body of yours, yeah?” he asks, urging you to respond. He finally stops tickling you and instead grabs onto one of your thick thighs with one hand while his other hand finds its way around the bottom of your chin, forcing you to look at him. “Answer me, Princess, or Daddy’s gonna answer for ya.”

Words still won’t come out between your panting breaths and still-negative thoughts swirling in your head. So you moan in response, staring into Chris’s eyes with your mouth held shut by his grip.

He raises his eyebrows and smirks.

“That’s how it is, eh?” He lets go of your face and leg at the same time and climbs to his feet. “I know just what you need, then. Come with me.” He takes your hands and pulls you up and along behind him, down the hall and into his bedroom. He makes a point of dramatically locking the door behind the two of you before turning toward you with a serious look on his face.

“You’re gonna take what I give you, understand?” he asks before pulling his shirt over his head and discarding it on the floor, leaving his impeccably sculpted torso on display for you.

“Yes, Daddy,” you say softly, nodding.

“Good girl. Now I want you to take everything off.” Your face falls. “Ah, ah, don’t argue with me. I said everything.”

Tears involuntarily spring to the corner of your eyes.

“But, Chris--”

“--Who?”

“Daddy…”

“Do as I say. Now.”

“But I’d be more comfortable if we went slow…” Your fingers play with the hem of your shirt nervously.

“I said you’re going to take what I give you, Princess,” he says dangerously and slowly. “Did you misunderstand? I’m not asking. Take it all off. Now. I won’t tell you again.”

You have no choice but to comply. With shaking hands you take off your shirt and bra, then your pants, underwear, and socks until you’re standing in your boyfriend’s room wearing nothing but your own embarrassment.

Chris either doesn't notice or doesn’t care. He hisses as he palms himself and groans when your last shred of clothing hits the floor.

“Fuck. You’re so beautiful, you know that?” You shake your head slightly and cross your arms, holding yourself tightly, trying to cover yourself. “Mm, obviously you don’t or we wouldn’t be here right now.”

Chris crosses the empty space between you and grabs your arms, forcing them down to your sides. He shamelessly pets and squeezes your arms, your chest, your belly, your sides, your back, your hips-- everything he can get his hands on despite your wriggling and whining as you try to turn away from him.

“I love this body,” he mumbles against your neck as he holds your body against his with his hands grabbing two handfuls of your ass. “I love your soft arms and your big stomach and your cute little rolls. You’re so warm and sweet, I could just eat you up.” His lips brush up and down your neck, presses kisses between his praise of you, sucks love bites into the column of your throat.

“I’m gonna fuck the sense back into you,” he says, voice dipping lower, growing closer to a growl. His grip tightens almost painfully on your ass before he massages the force of his grip back out. That’s the kind of night it’s going to be. He’s going to make you take it no matter how hard he gives it, but he’ll always be sure to make it better once he’s satisfied.

“There’s no reason my girl should be doubting me, or herself.” He holds your face in place again, making you look him in the eye. His other hand sweetly pulls your hair to one side and brushes it out neatly before grabbing it in a tight grip. “You think I want a skinny girlfriend? You think I want someone who doesn’t look like you?”

You nod slightly, but his stern look and annoyed tilt of his head makes you quickly correct and shake your head.

“No, no,” you say, trying to correct yourself. “You want me.”

“That’s right,” he says, holding your hair tighter. “If I wanted a skinny girl I’d be with a skinny girl, wouldn’t I? As if I even care about someone’s size. You know, it’s not nice to try to put words into my mouth. Who I ‘should’ date, who I’d ‘look better’ with. It’s insulting, Princess. Are you gonna say sorry for insulting me?”

“I’m sorry,” you mumble, trying your best to pout.

“How sorry?” he lets go of your face but not your hair.

“I’m so sorry, Daddy. I shouldn’t have said those stupid things. I didn’t mean to insult you.”

“You gonna be a good girl now and apologize properly?”

You nod frantically.

“Yes. Yes, Daddy. Whatever you want.”

“Lay down on the edge of the bed and let me fuck your throat then.” He finally lets go of your hair and almost shoves you toward the bed by the force of his hand leaving you. Reflexively his other hand catches you and makes sure you’re steady before you get into position.

Rough but sweet.

You climb onto his bed and lay on your back, scooting up until your head and hair hangs off the edge. Chris takes his time removing his pants and underwear, watching you spread yourself out for him despite your deep instinct to cover yourself and hide.

“Good girl,” he praises when you part your lips and hold your mouth open and waiting for him. He sighs and bites back a moan as he strokes himself, slowly shuffling closer and closer to you until he can prod his tip against your lip. You stick your tongue out and try to get a taste of him, but he steps back.

“Ah, ah, ah. I didn’t tell you to do that, did I?”

“No,” you say quietly.

“So behave.”

“Yes, Daddy.”

Chris comes closer again and rubs his tip against your lips, tracing them and circling them until he finally decides to push into your mouth. He moans and greedily keeps pushing and pushing until his cock is buried to the hilt and your throat is full of him.

“That’s my good girl,” he says in a low groan. “Ahh, yeah. Such a good fucking girl, hmm?” He slowly pulls back and starts rocking forward again, and all you can do is hum around him to agree and try your best not to gag.

“Fuck. Yeahh,” he hisses, thrusting faster as he reaches out to grab and squeeze your tits. Tears start to roll down your cheeks just from the pressure and the half-gags you have to keep choking down. 

“Mmm, my pretty girl. So good for me. Yeahh, just for me, baby. Such a good girl. I love the way you look like this. I love seeing your whole body while I fuck that pretty face.”

He babbles on, praising you while leaning forward to touch your body. He plays with your breasts, pinching and rolling your nipples between his fingers. He runs his hands across your stomach, grabbing the rolls at your sides and sweetly rubbing his thumbs against them. His hands wander higher, petting your arms and your chest and finally he caresses your face and notices the tears streaming out of your eyes.

“Oh, babygirl,” he coos, backing up and taking his cock out of your mouth.

“No,” you whine as soon as your mouth is free. “Daddy, noo, come back. Don’t stop, please.”

“Why are you crying, Princess?” he asks, kneeling down and kissing one of the tear trails on the side of your face.

“Just because I was gagging. I’m not crying anymore.”

“You’re not? You promise?”

“I promise.”

“Good girl.” He once again grips your chin and turns your head to him. He kisses you deeply, giving a long pause for this gentle intimacy before he gets back to his ultimate goal: fucking every single shred of self-doubt out of you.

“You know I hate when you cry, babygirl,” he says, kneeling on the bed and sitting in the middle. “Come here.”

You take his hands for support and he helps you sit up. He guides you closer and closer, and finally has you sit straddling his lap. He places your arms around his neck, then his hands wander, slowly caressing your arms, your shoulders, down your back and every inch of your sides and hips. He pets your thighs and brushes the back of his fingers against your stomach and across your breasts before he finally palms them and squeezes gently.

“You’re so beautiful to me. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes,” he says softly. “I’ve never once looked at you and thought you were anything less than stunning. I’ve never thought you were any of the negative things you’ve thought about yourself.”

“Really?” you ask breathily, trying to focus on three things at once-- stopping yourself from crying again, hesitating to put your full weight on his lap, and the way his touching your body and now your chest is making you as flustered as the first time you had sex with him when every touch he gifted you felt feather-light and exciting.

“Really,” he insists, leaning in to brush his lips against your neck where he already left love bites. His hands move again, reaching down to your hips and your thighs once again. “I’ll sit here and tell you over and over and over again until you believe me.” One hand stills on your hip but the other caresses closer to your inner thigh. “I’ll tell you a million times how attractive you are and how addicted I am to your body.” You involuntarily jump, just slightly, when his gentle fingers brush against your cunt. “And if it doesn’t make you feel any better, I’ll tell you a million more.”

“I’d like that,” you say softly, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. He lifts his head again and meets your eyes.

“Look at me,” he whispers as his fingers spread your lips and slip against your skin thanks to the wetness he’s already caused.

“My sweet girl.” He traces your labia lazily for a few seconds, staring deep into your eyes. You squirm in his lap and your hips involuntarily buck down against his hand when his finger swipes across your clit.

“My pretty girl,” he says, circling your clit slowly. “Don’t you agree? You’re my pretty girl.”

“Yes,” you sigh out.

His hand stops.

“Say it.”

“I’m your pretty girl.”

His fingers start moving again, a little faster than before.

“Good girl. My beautiful girl.”

You moan and roll your head back, but Chris immediately stops his hand.

“Baby,” he warns. “Eyes on me.”

Oh.

You tilt your head back up slowly and make eye contact again, no doubt with lust-clouded eyes. Chris’s eyes are dark but shiny and playful as always, and he looks at you in a way that makes your head spin. His gaze is a mix of stern command and lovelorn fawning.

“Repeat what I said,” he says after a moment of silence, flicking a finger across your clit, making you hiss and suck in a breath. 

“I-I,” you stutter, unable to remember what he even said ten seconds ago. “I'm sorry, I don't remember.”

“You don't remember? My fingers make you lose your head that much? I haven't even let you ride them yet.”

You whine and roll your hips as if you were riding them already.

“I want to,” you whine, but he tsks.

“You're so beautiful, babygirl. I want to make you feel good because you're the most beautiful when you're cumming because of me, but I need you to love yourself again before the end of this. My beautiful girl.”

He slides his middle finger into you, lazily curling the end of it so you can feel him press against your walls. Your instinct tells you to close your eyes or look away, but you know by now that if you take your eyes off him he'll stop. 

“Your beautiful girl,” you force out, trying to keep your breathing steady despite the way your heart pounds in your chest. There's something so overwhelming about this intimacy-- not just the sex, not his finger inside you, but the combination of his eyes locked on yours while doing it and making you say his possessive affirmations…

“It's too much,” you whine. “I’m overwhelmed,” you mumble, looking away from him and putting on your best pout so maybe he won’t punish you too harshly.

His finger slides out of you and he tilts his head to try to look at you.

“Too much? You don’t know what too much is. I haven’t given you enough yet.” He puts two of his wet fingers against your clit and starts frantically rubbing, letting your sensitive bud bounce between the cleft of his two slippery fingers. You immediately jump and whine, squirming and moaning, hips rolling and twitching.

“Ahhhh, mmm, Chris, ahhh!”

His fingers stop abruptly.

“Who?”

“Daddyyyy.”

“Look at me while I make you cum,” he demands, moving his two fingers in their frantic rhythm again. Your head doesn’t move, so he grabs you by the throat, squeezing at the outer edges just slightly. You gasp and grab his wrist with both hands, finally looking at him again.

You can’t make out any words, only gradually louder whines and pathetic moans as he works you closer and closer to your climax. No one has ever been able to make you cum so quickly from their fingers alone, but Chris has always had a special way of winding you up so tightly that you feel like you’ll burst before he even gets his hands on you.

Now he’s got you on the brink, one hand on your throat while the other works your clit. He lavishes you with his words.

“Yeah, that’s my good girl. I love your body. I know every inch of this beautiful, big body. Wouldn’t change it for the world, you know that? Wouldn’t change a thing about your body, Princess. I love you.”

“I love you,” you gasp out. The way you’re sitting on his lap won’t let you close your legs, but your thighs tremble and try to work shut anyway. The cocky smile on Chris’s mouth while he waits for you to reach your climax is too good. He knows you too well. He knows.

“I love youuu,” he says again, sickeningly sweet, right as it finally hits you. You throw your head back as much as you’re able with his hand holding your throat in place. You grind down on his hand, groaning and moaning, incoherently trying to call out his name in a desperate attempt to connect to him further.

“My sexy girl,” he chuckles. “God, I love the way you look when you cum.” He releases your neck and tilts your head forward to press your lips against his. While he kisses you, his fingers gradually stop and finally still, then his damp hand rests against your waist. 

He kisses you languidly, swallowing the rest of your whimpers as the overwhelming warmth and pleasure works its way through your system and you slowly calm down.

Finally when you’ve been quiet for a few moments, he pulls away.

“I should have done that in front of a mirror--” he says in a low voice. “--or recorded it. You need to see how pretty you are when you cum.”

“Maybe next time…?”

“That’s a wonderful idea, babygirl. Next time. But for now…” He reaches down and pulls on your calf, making you swing your leg to the side and then wrap it around him. He guides you to do the same on the other side until you’re no longer sitting on your knees straddling his lap. Instead you’re sitting in his lap properly with your legs locked behind him.

“Now I need to fuck that pretty pussy, and we’re gonna do it together, yeah?” Chris takes your hand and wraps it around his cock, guiding you to start stroking him. “You’re gonna-- ahh-- You’re gonna ride me and I’m gonna fuck you, and you have to keep looking at me, got it?”

You nod quickly but don’t verbally respond. You really wanna look down at his cock, especially as he helps you tilt it toward your cunt while pulling you forward until you’re close enough to feel the tip hitting heavily against your clit.

But you can’t look away from his soft eyes.

His persona is slipping. The bite has been falling out of his voice. The intimacy of having you in his lap, reacting so strongly to every little touch he gives you, has filled him with love more than pride; confidence in your relationship, more than smugness for his ego.

And you can see it all betrayed in his eyes.

“Closer,” he mumbles, wrapping one arm tightly around your waist. He holds you impossibly close to his body, your stomach squishing against his toned abs and your soft breasts flattening against his chest. The soft love-struck look in his eyes never falters, not even as you shift to the side a little so you can still help guide his dick into you despite your stomach being in the way.

He moans happily when you finally start sinking down on him, and you moan right back, whining needily as he fills you.

“Oh, fuck,” you whine, briefly tilting your head down as if you’re gonna lay it on his shoulder, but you remember his one rule and sit back up.

“This pussy always takes me so well,” Chris sighs happily. “I love this fucking body. I love it,” he groans, bucking up into you while his second arm joins his first locked around your waist.

“I love you,” you gasp, grinding down against him.

“I love you. I need you to love yourself like I love you.”

“I’ll try,” you stutter, nodding. “I’ll try.”

“Good.”

You move your hips together continuously, Chris bucking upward and you grinding down. You have more freedom of movement being on top, so you take it upon yourself to circle or slide your hips back and forth depending on what feels best.

Chris’s hands grip your squishy hips and love handles tightly when you move in a way that feels really good for him, and when you get him really worked up he can’t help but to reel you in by a gentle hand on the back of your head. He moans into your mouth and kisses you with more tongue than lip, trying to lick every moan and whine out of our mouth before it can fall.

Your moans grow more frantic once one of his hands reaches down to rub his thumb against your clit lazily while you continue to fuck each other. Chris swallows all your sounds down, refusing to let you break the kiss to warn him that you’re so so so close.

He can tell, though. Of course he can. He knows your body and its reactions better than you know it yourself.

He keeps working you from both angles-- his hips bucking up and his thumb brushing your already-oversensitive clit, until you break.

Your body shakes, starting in your legs and working all the way up as a delicious orgasm rolls through your entire body. You chant his name against his mouth, and he smirks and almost chuckles at first, until the fluttering of your walls as you keep riding through your orgasm sends him hurtling past the point of no return as well.

He cums hot, silky shots into your pussy with no concern for the consequences.

“Oh, fuck,” he barks when the sudden orgasm takes him, having turned his head away from you just quick enough to not shout in your face. 

“Daddy,” you sigh blissfully, running your hand through his sweat-dampened hair. “Chris. That was… That was so much.”

He chuckles softly and pecks small kisses across your cheek and jaw.

“I’m at a loss for words as well,” he says quietly. Both of you are still now, no more bucking hips and rolling waves. You’re left with only the heaving of your chests as your breathing steadies in tandem.

“Thank you,” you whisper. 

“I don’t expect this to have made everything better,” he admits, once again meeting your eye. He tucks a strand of hair behind your ear and traces his finger down the edge of your face. “Sometimes I’m just so baffled that you can’t see how beautiful you are. To me you’re like a goddess-- literally, like those Greek statues. I’m so in love with you and how you look. I wanted you to feel that.”

“I did. I really did, I promise.”

“Good. Though I’m not opposed to showing you again if you need me to,” he says cheekily, and you giggle, shaking your head.

“I’ll keep your offer in mind for the future, but I understand you perfectly tonight.”

[sammyluvr]

angel!reader heacanons — sam winchester

cw : gn!reader, fluff, reader really really loves cats, sort of naive/super adorable reader, little bit of disillusionment, not proofread, 2.4K words. requested !

prompt : simply just sam x angel!reader <3

✶.◟ sometimes, sam still thinks about how disappointing it was to find out the reality of heaven and angels and god

✶.◟ of course, there’s the occasionally kind angel, and of course, there’s cas

✶.◟ but when you come along, he’s certainly still suspicious of you and your intentions

✶.◟ you’ve never been to earth before, and that often means a firm indoctrination in the skewed perspective of many angels

✶.◟ cas didn’t know much about you when you came along, just that you’re a low ranking angel whom he’s never heard anything bad about

✶.◟ you’re there on orders, of course, and it doesn’t take long before you run into cas and the winchesters

✶.◟ the encounter isn’t necessarily pleasant, as heaven usually isn’t working in tandem with the brothers

✶.◟ but it’s not to unpleasant either; the shorter seems sort of rude to you, you don’t have the best impression of castiel based on heaven’s word, and the third isn’t thrilled to see you either

✶.◟ but you’re not unkind, just blunt and maybe a little awkward like all angels who are unused to the human way of speaking

✶.◟ so they don’t jump to judge or hurt you, or at least, sam doesn’t

✶.◟ he gets dean to back down and listen to you when the elder gets upset about something you say regarding heaven

✶.◟ it’s stange to you, these humans that know of heaven and angels but don’t seem to care for them much

✶.◟ you thought humans found comfort in the thought of you, but these ones don’t seem to like the real thing and that intrigues you

✶.◟ in fact, now that you’re here on earth, everything intrigues you

✶.◟ kindness and lying and holding hands and eating and falling asleep

✶.◟ stray cats and crispy leaves on the ground that make a nice sound against the concrete when it’s windy

✶.◟ then next time you meet cas and the boys, you ask these questions that make them think you might not be so bad, that they might be able to get through to you

✶.◟ you only ask them because your superior angels won’t answer, and you can’t really ask regular humans

✶.◟ it’s sweet, the way you interrupt the tense conversation, seeking permission to ask them a few questions about humans

✶.◟ sam sees your earnesty and says of course

✶.◟ why don’t humans like rain? we don’t have it in heaven, and i find it so pleasant to experience.

✶.◟ and, how does one procure a pet cat? i want one.

✶.◟ and also, why don’t you like angels? the others won’t answer any of my questions.

✶.◟ they answer the last question first, and your concern grows

✶.◟ you understand prioritizing the orders one receives from heaven, but despite lacking a natural empathy as an angel, you don’t carry the disdain for humans that many angels too

✶.◟ and that makes you confused over the actions of angels that cas and the brothers describe to you

✶.◟ and it leaves you much more open minded, much more sympathetic; cas doesn’t seem nearly as bad as other angels describe him, he’s generally kind and passionate

✶.◟ the brothers don’t seem to bad to you either, especially sam

✶.◟ he’s nice to you and appeals to what cas says are your better senses, your kinder senses

✶.◟ to you, kind seems like a good thing, and the way that angels generally don’t care for individual humans seems opposing to your purpose as their protectors

✶.◟ so, as conflicted as you feel about it, you lend help to cas when he calls upon you

✶.◟ and one day, you lend a hand to sam. just sam

✶.◟ he prays to you, injured but trying to sound dignified still; cas won’t answer, and dean’s too far

✶.◟ he’s unsure that you’ll answer, but you do, and readily

✶.◟ he’s barely said your name, barely explained the situation before there’s a flutter of wings, then you

✶.◟ it doesn’t take much effort on your part to deal with whatever monsters he was fighting, then you kneel at his side and heal his wounds without a second thought

✶.◟ he thanks you, and you follow him to his motel, unaware that he didn’t really invite you

✶.◟ he certainly doesn’t tell you to go, though

✶.◟ it’s just that he never answered your questions about rain or cats, and honestly you have so many more

✶.◟ he stays up almost all night explaining everything he can to you, as best as he can, until he yawns and you remember that humans need sleep

✶.◟ so you turn off the lights and send him to bed before settling onto the couch and grabbing a spare book

✶.◟ “may i read this?” you ask while he’s brushing his teeth

✶.◟ “of course,” he says, taking a few moments to study your form, already intently studying the first page

✶.◟ “are you staying here?” he asks, voice muffled around the toothbrush

✶.◟ “yes. is that alright?”

✶.◟ he nods, “sure. you don’t have somewhere else to be, though?”

✶.◟ you think he sounds funny with a mouth full of toothpaste and spit

✶.◟ “not anymore,” you answer simply, “i think i’ll be like cas.”

✶.◟ sam smiles, unbeknownst to you because you’ve already resumed reading this book, it’s fiction, and fascinating to you

✶.◟ when sam wakes, you’re still on the couch, reading a new book, and the second you hear him stir you turn around in the couch, leaning over the cushions to watch him

✶.◟ “sam?” you ask with no regard to the fact that he’s barely just opened his eyes, then rattle off several questions about the content of the books you’ve been reading all night

✶.◟ the poor man barely catches any of it, stretching and groaning before trying to answer something in a slightly coherent way

✶.◟ but what he says to you doesn’t make much sense, nor does it really apply to any of the seven questions you’ve asked

✶.◟ you scrunch up your nose and suddenly sam thinks that you’re very cute

✶.◟ he tells you he’s too disoriented to answer, but that he’ll tell you what he thinks properly after getting up and having a cup of coffee

✶.◟ sam shows you your first coffee shop, which you’re decently delighted with, though the dirty chai latte he’s ordered for you tastes like nothing but molecules to you, as per usual

✶.◟ but he keeps his promise, telling you everything he can about the things in the books that confused you or made you curious

✶.◟ it’s all why would she lie to them or why do you humans… and sam finds himself explaining deeply some of the most complicated parts of the human condition to you

✶.◟ you find it all a bit strange, but a bit endearing too

✶.◟ you’re blunt and don’t intend to be mean when you tell sam that it seems like cas is closer to dean, but you like him better

✶.◟ sam blushes a little, though he feels like he shouldn’t be surprised by your honesty

✶.◟ you become closer to all three of them in time, and grow to understand the nuances of humans better

✶.◟ you’re not quite as awkward, but sam thinks you still talk a little funny, and is quite endeared with it

✶.◟ he spends time explaining lots to you, sharing all of his knowledge of humans things, and listening intently when you share about your abundant knowledge of the divine and supernatural

✶.◟ it doesn’t take long at all to find that he really could talk to you all day and night

✶.◟ and though he’s careful with his heart, it doesn’t take long to fall for you either

✶.◟ you’ve quickly turned into a very genuine and empathetic angel, and sam admires you for it greatly

✶.◟ you still struggle with some things and some aspects of empathy, but to him you really do feel good

✶.◟ you feel like what an angel should be, at least in this messed up world

✶.◟ and he’s hesitant; you’ll live practically forever unless you get killed, and it certainly scares him that you can be killed, he scared of anyone he loves dying… he’s scared that everyone he loves will die because of it

✶.◟ and you don’t know too well about love, but you figure out that you have it

✶.◟ for many things, like rain and cats and books and sam

✶.◟ sam likes to indulge the things that you love

✶.◟ he shares his favorite books with you and shows you how to use the internet

✶.◟ one day he wakes to you on his computer, a wide smile on your face and soft cooing escaping your lips

✶.◟ when you sense his presence, you look up at him from your seat with the widest, most excited eyes and he nearly melts into the floor

✶.◟ “did you know that you can look at endless pictures of cats on this computer?” you ask him

✶.◟ he says yes, and that you can look at them on any computer, and that you can watch videos too

✶.◟ he almost regrets telling you that, because now you’re constantly approaching him with cat videos you found in your free time

✶.◟ but he’d never regret doing something that makes you smile so often, so he doesn’t complain

✶.◟ instead, he researches about cats and all the other earthly things that interest you in his free time so he can tell you random facts about them

✶.◟ and for a being who’s been alive for so long and knows so much, you find it beautiful that there’s so much more to learn on earth

✶.◟ and sam loves your thirst for knowledge, he loves being the person you always ask about things first

✶.◟ he feels proud to tell you the things he does know, and grateful that you also ask questions that make him really think or that he doesn’t know the answer to yet

✶.◟ you’ve also taken to stealing his phone to take pictures

✶.◟ you have an incredible memory, but the internet has made you keen on images

✶.◟ it of course started when you saw a stray cat and wished aloud to him that you could take a picture like the ones you look at on his computer

✶.◟ and he gladly informs you that you can, showing you how to use his camera

✶.◟ his camera roll ends up filled with every little thing one could think of; so many cats and clouds and sunsets and buildings and people you see on the street, plants and trees and bugs, and apparently, him

✶.◟ you keep taking pictures of him, and it makes him shy

✶.◟ he asks why and you tell him it’s because you take pictures of all the things you like, all the things you think are pretty

✶.◟ sure, there’s photos of dean and cas sprinkled in, but you must like sam a lot and find him very pretty to have taken so many pictures of him

✶.◟ he blushes and says you should take pictures of yourself too

✶.◟ you wonder if he’s implying that he thinks you’re pretty, but you’re not really sure; the sentiment ends up flying over your head like many of his attempts at flirting, but he always finds it as endearing as it is frustrating, so he can’t complain much

✶.◟ you do take photos of yourself like he’s suggested, only for that reason, though you’re not really sure how and most of them look awkward or generally unsuccessful in actually capturing your whole face with the camera

✶.◟ sam doesn’t show you how to use the front camera for a long while because he likes the silly photos of you

✶.◟ eventually, you find it yourself, and sam’s relieved that you still look awkward in your selfies

✶.◟ most likely, you end up taking up all of his storage, but he doesn’t have the heart to delete anything, so he downloads them onto his computer and saves them there (he’s self indulgent and keeps much more of the pictures of you than he really needs)

✶.◟ then he buys you a simple camera of your own, and ends up missing all the times you ask to borrow his phone to take a picture of the clouds in the sky

✶.◟ that always made him stop and look more, see the world and its beauty through your eyes

✶.◟ so instead, he looks for things you might like when you’re apart and takes pictures to show you when he sees you next

✶.◟ there’s also probably a time where you accidentally took his phone with you somewhere, and he has to pray to you to get it back

✶.◟ sam also likes to pray to you, though

✶.◟ it’s infinitely comforting that he can talk to you wherever you are and know that you’ll hear him

✶.◟ and he tends to miss you a lot, so he likes to at least have one way to feel close to you, even if you can’t always visit him right then or even reply at all 

✶.◟ but of all the things that sam teaches you, of all the things that he’s the first one to show you, it’s the love that his most favorite

✶.◟ one day you ask about hand holding; you’ve seen lots of humans do it, and you’re curious

✶.◟ why do you do it? is it nice? you understand that it’s an expression of affection, but you want to know more

✶.◟ can i hold your hand?

✶.◟ when he says yes, and looks into your eyes while he takes your hand into his, you very easily understand that yes, it’s nice. it’s lovely. it’s perfect. and you’d like to do it with sam all of the time

✶.◟ much more comes after that; you want to feel all of the ways that people express affection; hugs and sweet words and kisses and heads on shoulders. playing with hair and saying i love you

✶.◟ sam shows it all to you

[deliciousangelfestival]

The Malicious Daughter Is Back! - 7

Character : Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader

Summary: It's just a business marriage. Bucky thought it would be easy until he encountered the stepsister of his fiancée. She turned his world upside down.

The Malicious Daughter Is Back! Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist || Support : Ko-fi 🙏🏻

Thank you to everyone who has read this chapter. Leave a comment and Reblog, please. I'd love to hear your thoughts. ❤️

Victoria wanted to scratch your face with her long nails and pull your hair. She put down her wine glass and stormed toward you, her heels clicking angrily against the floor.

How dare you take her place?

Even as Bucky's official fiancée, she never had the chance to hold him like that. He always pushed her away.

But you… She hated the fact that you were able to stand beside Bucky like that.

Her eyes burned with fury as she approached, her hands clenched into fists.

What did you do to make Bucky look at you like... like he's in love with you? How he looks at you is so different from how he looks at her—as if she's not essential to him.

Victoria could feel the coldness from him but with you? She could sense the warmth in Bucky's gaze toward you, even from afar.

"Wasn't Bucky's fiancée Victoria?" one guest whispered.

"Shhh," another guest hushed her friend.

The judging eyes of the guests felt like needles pricking her skin. She didn’t have to look at them to feel their scrutiny.

Victoria's face contorted with barely suppressed rage with every step closer to you. Her hands shook, her nails biting into her palms as she struggled to maintain her composure.

"Don't do anything," her mom said, grabbing Victoria's hand.

Victoria whispered angrily, "Why?" What reason could her mom have for stopping her?

Genevieve didn’t say anything, just tilted her head slightly toward Jonathan. He was also watching Bucky and you, but his expression was calm, unlike the two women’s.

That means he knew. He knew you were coming.

Victoria stormed over to her dad despite Genevieve's attempt to stop her.

"Why is my fiancé walking with her?" she demanded in a harsh whisper.

Jonathan looked at his younger daughter, who was already panicking because things weren’t going her way. He sighed his expression a mix of frustration and patience.

“Victoria, calm down,” he said firmly. “There’s a reason for this, and it’s not what you think. Bucky has his reasons, and you need to trust the process.”

Victoria's eyes narrowed, her breath quickening. She glanced back at you and Bucky, the fire in her eyes intensifying.

"Trust the process?" she hissed. "This is humiliating. Do you have any idea how this looks?"

Jonathan's gaze hardened. "This isn’t about looks, Victoria. It's about something much more important."

Genevieve, still holding Victoria’s arm, squeezed gently. “Listen to your father,” she urged. “We’ll handle this, but not here and not like this.”

Victoria clenched her fists, her nails digging into her palms as she tried to regain control. She took a deep breath, her chest rising and falling rapidly.

He sighed inwardly. What was wrong with his kin? None of them had inherited his calmness. Jonathan was a heartless man, and he embraced it. His lack of empathy was the reason the company thrived.

Not wanting to embarrass herself, Genevieve said, "This will ruin our business with the Barnes family."

Jonathan smirked. Failure was not in his vocabulary.

"Did you forget why the Barneses agreed to give their only son to us?" he asked, his tone icy.

Genevieve fell silent.

Victoria, who had just overheard this, looked confused and concerned. "Mom, what is Dad talking about?"

Genevieve hesitated, searching for the right words to explain. She wanted to protect her daughter from the harsh truths.

Flashback Start

After Genevieve suggested the idea of an engagement between both families, Jonathan initially thought it would be impossible. It wasn't a bad idea, but the Barneses were like royalty in the business world.

He didn't expect Bucky's father to agree. However, there was a condition: “If my son has second thoughts before the marriage, he can end the relationship.”

That was the truth of the engagement. Jonathan had told Genevieve to remind Victoria not to get too attached to Bucky.

He had prepared for the possibility that Bucky might want to end the engagement. Even though Jonathan was a cold father, he saw at the engagement party that there was no spark between Bucky and Victoria.

But he never thought Bucky would come to him and ask for you.

His first daughter was wild and always going berserk. How in the world could Bucky be interested in you?

Nonetheless, Bucky still chose someone from the Sinclair family.

Flashback End

Victoria fumed. "Outrageous. This is adultery."

Jonathan sipped his wine calmly. "There's nothing between you and him. Even a blind person could feel it."

"But..." She couldn't deny it.

Genevieve interjected, "Bucky is supposed to be with Victoria." Her plan was for Victoria to marry Bucky. She wanted her daughter to have the best. But you have ruined everything.

"Silence," Jonathan commanded.

That single word from his mouth silenced both women. They could see the unyielding determination in his eyes.

"It doesn't matter as long as he's with someone from our family. Don’t forget, she is still my daughter," he said, giving a warning look to his wife. His voice was low and firm, leaving no room for argument.

He knew everything she did to you. He didn't help you because you told him you didn't want anything from him, so he obliged.

The way you despised him also made him ignore you more.

But now, seeing you and Bucky together, he knew he had to give you more attention.

Genevieve went pale because this meant that Jonathan had acknowledged your position.

The three of them went silent.

In contrast, your heartbeat was racing because everyone's eyes were on you.

You gripped Bucky's arm tighter. “I don't fit in here.”

Bucky felt it too. He gently patted your hand and said, “Don't worry. It's time for you to claim back what's yours.”

He was right. You used to dream of this moment. It seemed impossible, but now you're here because of Bucky.

You got this!

Author Note: I learned it too late that I made Bucky's mothers name is the same as the reader's grandma. Lol. 😂 So, I changed Bucky's mother's name to Juliana, while the name Cassandra belongs to the reader's grandma.

Taglist:

@thezombieprostitute

@thetravelingtyper

@scott-loki-barnes

@mostlymarvelgirl

@chemtrails-club

@dexter99

@seresingirlie

@missvelvetsstuff

@kjah97

@tfatwsoldir

@itsteambarnes

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@angelbabyyy99

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@buckitostan

@wh0reforbucknasty

@bada-lee-ily

@evie-119

@mrsstuckyboo

@ghalouha

@iamasimpingh0e

@loki-laufeyson68

@buckybarnessimpp

Author Note: Hey friends,

If you've been enjoying the content, I've set up a Ko-fi account.

Your support through tips would mean the world and help me keep creating.

Only if you feel like it!

Here's the link: Ko-fi

Thanks a bunch for being fabulous followers!

[jennifer-jeong]

Fluff + Slight Angst | L&DS x GN!Reader How They Comfort You

SUMMARY Headcanons on how they'd support you

CONTENT Fluff, little bit of angst, mentions their past and past traumas

WORD COUNT: 765

ZAYNE | LI SHEN

Zayne is actually very good with his words, he’s very soothing especially when it comes to academics or stress. I imagine he learned it from his time in med school both because they teach it in his classes and also because he needed to learn it for himself (med school is painfully stressful). He’s still a bit inexperienced when it comes to intimate relationships and how to communicate in them but he still does really well. He’s struggled a lot also with his nightmares and his evol, so he probably also learned a lot about coping mechanisms through that. He probably took the time to study things like PTSD, anxiety disorders, and insomnia.

He comforts you with sweet words and logical advice. If you’ve had a bad day he’ll suggest things to help you relax so you can get back to it tomorrow. He knows that life doesn’t wait for anyone and he just wants to give you a pick-me-up the best he can. He’ll make you tea, soup, and obviously also a sweet treat at the end. He’ll give you a lot of kisses and cuddles, whatever you need. He probably also encourages you to let it out and cry if you’re feeling it, he knows that it’s good for you since it’s been scientifically proven LOL. Zayne would probably have made a great psychiatrist even despite his stoic self but regardless he does make an amazing lover.

RAFAYEL | QI YU

Rafayel is just a lil guy and isn’t super good at finding the right words to comfort you with but he knows he loves you and hates to see you like this, so he does everything he can. Rafayel hasn’t had family or loved ones with him or close to him for a long time. I imagine that in his childhood, he was probably also robbed of the opportunity to learn how to communicate in a situation like this because his home was destroyed. He’s been through so much pain though and so his empathy for you runs insanely deep. He understands any pain you feel so wholly even if he can’t explain it with words well.

He comforts you with so many hugs and buys you your favorite foods. If you’ve had a bad day he’ll immediately drop whatever he’s doing and suggest you do something together. You can have a paint night, watch a movie, cook a meal, or even just put on a random show and cuddle. He knows life sucks sometimes but he knows that his life sucks slightly less with you in it and he hopes so desperately that he does the same for you. You let him know that he makes everything better though, you communicate with him both because you like using your words but also to kind of show him how you do it so he can learn too.

XAVIER | SHEN XINGHUI

Xavier is so sweet and overall just kinda goes with the flow. He’s literally an old man LOL, he has a lot of patience and loves you so much. However, sometimes this makes it difficult because you need him to be decisive with his words sometimes but he struggles with it. He’s lived such a hectic life and has already lost you once so I imagine it’s hard for him to really understand how to put things into words. Not to mention the fact that he was seemingly very protected and sheltered back on his home planet since he always had bodyguards around him.

Xavier plays dumb sometimes on purpose because he’s a silly dude but he’s extremely observant and smart. He knows exactly when you’re feeling down or stressed or anything. He’s good at reading your emotion, just kinda unsure on what to do afterwards. But upon noticing, he will always hit you with the “are you okay?” because he knows you’ll communicate with him. Even if you just say “I’m fine” he’ll know you’re not and will encourage you to do something with him until you just tell him LOL. He knows it’s something he wants to work on but he’s smart and a very fast learner, so if you come up with any sort of codes or phrases that signify certain things, he’ll catch on fast. Have a code for “I need hugs and no talking?” he’s on it, code for “I need to yap and cry?” he’s by your side. He will literally travel to the ends of the infinite universe to find you because he promised you, and you best believe he won’t ever break that promise.

|| MASTERLIST ♡ || Thank you for reading! ||

[yrluvjane]

for the dbf!James fic you could start writing something where he feels lonely for some years, after the separation with Lily and Harry studying in a high school abroad. He starts to attend your father's house more and more and then you decide how everything unfolds. I don't know, it's just an idea

James Potter had never pictured his life turning out quite like this. If someone had told him five years ago that he'd be a divorced man with his son studying halfway across the world, he'd have laughed it off. But here he was, staring at his reflection in the kitchen window, feeling the empty ache that came from a house that was far too quiet.

It wasn’t that he didn’t try to stay busy—he still had work, Quidditch matches with the old gang, and the occasional night out with Sirius. But the bustle that once filled his home was gone. Harry was off at some fancy training program abroad, thriving in a way that made James proud and yet left him feeling more alone than ever. And Lily… well, that chapter was over, though the echoes of it still lingered in every corner of his mind.

That’s why he found himself more frequently at your father’s house. It was a place where he could escape the emptiness without feeling like a burden. Your dad, an old friend of James’s from his old Auror days, welcomed him with open arms. It felt good to be around a familiar face, to chat about the past, to laugh over old memories. But more than that, it was you.

You were always there—kind, perceptive, and somehow always knowing when he needed a distraction or a kind word. You’d grown up since the last time James had really paid attention, blossoming into someone who wasn’t just his friend’s daughter but a woman in her own right. And it unsettled him more than he cared to admit.

“Hey, James,” you called, stepping into the living room one evening as he sat nursing a drink. “Dad’s running late again. You staying for dinner?”

He glanced up, and there it was—that familiar flutter in his chest. “If it’s not too much trouble,” he replied with a half-smile. “I don’t want to be a bother.”

“Trust me, you’re not.” You rolled your eyes playfully, making your way over to him. “Besides, it’s nice having someone else around who can actually hold a conversation about something other than work.”

He chuckled softly, grateful for your lightheartedness. “Your dad’s really getting that bad, huh?”

“Worse.” You leaned against the arm of the chair across from him, crossing your arms with a smirk. “But don’t tell him I said that.”

James couldn’t help but laugh. You had a way of making things easier, lifting the weight from his shoulders, even if just for a moment. And maybe that’s why he kept coming back.

As the evening sprang, he found himself watching you more closely, noting the way you moved around the kitchen, the way you laughed at his terrible jokes, and the way your eyes crinkled when you smiled. He’d always known you as a kid, his friend’s daughter, but now… now he wasn’t so sure what to think.

Dinner was the most comfortable his felt in weeks, maybe even months. You were an excellent cook, and he found himself wondering when you’d learned to whip up a meal so effortlessly. He helped you with the dishes afterward, the two of you standing side by side at the sink, hands occasionally brushing as you worked.

“Thanks for keeping my dad company,” you said, breaking the comfortable silence. “He’s been a bit lonely since Mum passed.”

James nodded, feeling a pang of empathy. “I get it. Loneliness is a bit of a monster, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” you murmured, glancing up at him. “But it doesn’t have to be. Not always.”

There was something in the way you said it—something that made James pause, his heart thudding just a bit louder in his chest. He looked at you, really looked at you, and for the first time, he saw the softness in your gaze, the warmth that went beyond simple kindness.

“Guess not,” he replied softly, his voice almost a whisper.

[howlsofbloodhounds]

Can you talk more about the fandom's ableism with Ink and Killer??im quite curious!/gen (reference to your reblog tags)

I can try, but know im not an expert and also bigger knowledgeable inks fans are welcome to chime in.

So we all know how Ink is soulless, yes? It is because of this that people take it as an excuse to demonize them and make them evil, fake, manipulative, abusive, a bad parent, a rapist—everything under the sun simply because he’s soulless, lacks empathy.

Some people claim he doesn’t feel emotions because of his soullessness all the time and the paint vials he takes are just “fake emotions,” but in actuality Ink needs those paints to function (because without them Ink becomes an unmoving husk and this makes him extremely vulnerable to being used and taken advantage of), and to feel. It’s basically medication that he needs.

Not to mention; Ink is clearly a neurodivergent character, having hyperfixations and everything. This breeds depictions of “Ink is so stupid,” “Ink is a child,” “Ink needs to be leashed and treated like an animal,” “everyone is tired of and hates ink because ink is annoying.”

You see this type of thing with Killer a lot too in his fanon depictions, and this is because it’s a pretty agreed upon headcanon that Killer has ADHD; it’s just that most people clearly don’t do any research into how Ink and Killer’s ADHD/Autism are disorders, how they actually impact them as characters and their lives rather then how they annoy and inconvenience everyone else around them, infantilize and dehumanize them by treating them like hyperactive idiotic children or animals that need to be kept on a leash—is stereotypical depictions of ADHD with the typical “hyperactive talking a lot so annoying oh my god can you just shut up?” and “can’t ever stop moving or talking” and just generally have other characters be ableist and abusive as fuck towards them both and play it off as if it’s supposed to be funny to be talked to like that just because something they have no control over was a little annoying today.

there’s no discussions or depictions how this stuff effects either of them. Killer already has a dissociative disorder and CPTSD and can’t trust his own memory, and Ink has short term memory loss so bad he needs to write things down on their scarf just to keep track of it, and yet Killer’s memory issues are completely ignored because he has to be the silly haha comedy relief that all the characters use as their punching bag and Ink’s is only ever brought up in any serious capacity to paint them as a bad parent who would forget that his children even exists.

Killer and Ink are both characters with little to no empathy for others; and this is used to demonize them, or is completely ignored by giving Ink a soul or and forcing Killer into Stage 1 as their quick fixes.

Their lack of empathy and emotionlessness is only ever brought up to use them as villains in another character’s story; which is extra fucked up when people refuse to acknowledge that Killer is a canonical victim of literal conditioning, abuse, torture, kidnapping, and literal fucking trafficking.

People are demonizing someone who is literally trapped in a trafficking ring and being sent out as weapon of terrorism by Nightmare under threat of torture, death, and replacement all because, oh. He’s emotionless. He’s sadistic. He doesn’t act like a perfect victim curling up in a ball crying from guilt every single day and why doesn’t he just say no?

Killer isn’t perfect but people like to pretend he has more control and power than he does and like he actually wants this when the man doesn’t even know what he wants because he became who he needed to be to survive. People seem dumbfounded by the concept that victims will mirror their abusers to survive and that obviously won’t make them good people, but killer doesn’t consider himself people.

It’s never brought up how Ink’s memory loss and his lack of paints making him a husk would make him very easily to abuse and use and lie to and manipulate and take advantage. It’s never brought up how Ink thinks and feels about upsetting or losing friends because he forgot their names, or their birthdays, or when they were meeting up and where, and no matter how hard he tries things just keep slipping from his mind.

It’s never brought up how Stage 2’s indifference and overwhelming apathy and dehumanizing view of himself (and others, just like Ink, who sees others as characters in a story whereas Killer sees people more like codes programmed to follow specific scripts and roles in a long series of games and tests and just not real), means he is a lot more likely to be used and abused and taken advantage of—and yes, raped, because for some reason people really really love making Killer a sexual predator as if he’s not the one most likely to be abused in that manner—means he’d likely just accept whatever someone does to him (especially if he believes they’re stronger than him) because why should he care? Nothing matters anyway. There’s no point in resisting, why bother. This is how it was always supposed to end, and nothing is real anyway. This doesn’t affect me, i don’t have emotions, im not real. I’m not a person.

The only form of control Killer would have is playing along. Acting, pretending he enjoys it and is having fun—but ultimately, he doesn’t know if he does or not. Where does he begin and the act end. He doesn’t know, but if everyone around him is telling him one thing, then it must be true.

Stage 2 wouldn’t see himself as a victim or anything that happened to him as anything particularly significant. Nightmare asks him to do something and he does it because why not is what he thinks—it’s just how it works, Nightmares stronger. He ignores what would happen if he drug his feet or attempted to refuse because to him it’s just logical that he’d be punished for that, and he likes pain anyway, so enjoying means he must’ve wanted it.

(Does this justify the people he hurts when commanded to, triggered to, provoked, or when his dehumanization of others and conditioning leads him to do pretty awful abusive shit to them out of sadism or curiosity or just needing to feel in control? No, of course not. Any of his victims are allowed to hate him or feel however they want about him.

Doesn’t mean we have to ignore that he’s also a victim and has even less control than he allows others to see or know about, and that he himself likely refuses to acknowledge or look at too deeply.)

Which is another thing a lot of people use to justify Nightmare’s abuse of Killer. That he’s masochistic and sometimes pushes and provokes Nightmare into hurting him—the idea that it’s not actually abuse because he “wanted it” and “liked it” or that he’s somehow as bad as Nightmare because “he provoked him.”

He cannot access the emotions and trauma and fear and moral concerns and safety concerns of his other Stages because that is the entire point of his dissociative disorder and his conditioning. This makes him easy to control and this how he’s survived and remained even somewhat functioning.

Not to mention. The idea that Ink and Killer need to “learn empathy” or “learn emotions” to be better or good people, and not because being in touch with emotions is an important thing everyone should learn especially victims of abuse and those with trauma and that having little to no empathy is not some moral failing on their end or says something about the type of people they are. It just means they struggle to relate to others, understand their emotions, or feel others emotions as if it were their own.

There’s also the matter of some people trying to say that because Ink is soulless he is AroAce. That is not true, is both aro/aphobic and ableist. Ink is both soulless and AroAce and these are two completely separate things—they’d still be AroAce even if they had a soul.

There’s probably a whole lot more that can be said about this, but I’ll end it right here. Others can add on or correct me.

[frenchgremlim1808]

Why Midori is such a breath of fresh air or how to actually write a Villain.

So the awaited essay, the winner of the FrenchGremlin polls of laziness finally has come! It took some time but it’s finally over. If your choice didn’t get chosen that’s okay! I’ll repost a new poll with old and newer options. Please reblog this one i put a lot of time in it, it's like, five pages long over a silly goose. Also sorry for the grammar i sucks and i'm not native. So let’s begin:

(also here is the link to the video format)

So first let’s make things clear, What IS a villain?

“A villain is a character whose evil actions or motives are important to the plot.” That is why I do want to make a difference between a villain and an antagonist, an antagonist is a character who are a plot devices that creates obstruction to the protagonist. That means that a villain is forced to be an antagonist while an antagonist is not forced to be a villain. For example shin is an antagonist but not a villain, he is driven by selfish desires which are themselves fueled by fear anger and loss, he is the protagonist of his own story and is a sympathetic character despite it all, and Midori is just a bitch. Midori falls under multiple stereotypes of villains. Such as “the mastermind”, “evil incarnate” (lmao),”related to the protagonist” etc. Midori is evil, there is no denying in this, he is purely evil, and he doesn’t have a sad weepy backstory, he doesn’t feel empathy towards other, he is a despicable piece of shit who ruined so many lives. I won’t list everything but here is a list of his crimes, murder, assault, domestic abuse, grooming, verbal abuse, and torture, crimes against humanity lmao, stalking, violent crimes, and participation in a cult. And his worst crime is being a pussy bitch of course. So now that we have put the bases up let’s really begin.

Hollywood has a hate boner against villains and I hate them for that.

Recently Hollywood decided that pure evil bad guys is actually a bad thing, so now they decided to do stupid side story with them, to give them ”””depth””” since I guess how could we like those villains since they are bad. A great example of this is the Disney remakes which I loathe so much oh god I hate them. So first they did a maleficient it was okay honestly, then they did a freaking cruella movie where her mom gets killed by Dalmatians, that’s not a joke, in the peter and wendy movie that nobody saw they decided to have made the captain hook be a lost boy who was abandoned by the lost boys and peter, oh also they decided that PETER CUT HIS HANDS OFF AND LEFT HIM TO DIE BECAUSE HOOK WANTED TO SEE HIS FAMILY. They are going to do a freaking mufasa movie, in no time I can’t wait to have a Ursula movie where it’s discovered that ariel killed all of her family in cold blood or something’s. So you might say what’s the problem? I mean isn’t that supposed to make the story more interesting. No, no it doesn’t, because first they take all of the character personality traits and throw them in the bin, second they are supposed to be the vilain in a musical animated movies, I am not against complex villain, I love them, but by doing this, the original character doesn’t exist anymore. Just create original content with new interesting characters instead of doing stuff like this. Also it’s kind of funny than in all of those interpretation they take all the fun and sucks it out, what do I mean by fun, the gayness, Disney vilain are fun because they are camp, they are fabulous extravagant extra in all the ways possible, and that’s the reason we liked them. Not every character needs something super deep, like “my family was burned down at the stake and my dog was eaten by my ex”, sometimes we just like bad fun people, they are the story, and Hollywood hating them so bad just bothers me a lot. Also now the new thing is to not have a villain at all which can works in some narrative but not all of them, it gets boring after a while. In the past people were angry that villains are bland, but now I kind of miss it. While I will critique villains who have no purpose outside of being evil that’s dumb, like for example Voldemort is bland like white bread because his only motivation is being evil, but evil people do exist compared to what some Hollywood writers think, they should know. So that’s why I will put a difference between evil villains and villains whose only purpose is being evil; we loved Disney villains but they still had motivations, goals, reasons that to them a least were worth everything. World domination isn’t enough, why do you want world domination, what is the true reason deep in your heart, is it an inferiority complex, is it a savior complex fuelled by xenophobic beliefs.

That is how to write a pure evil villain, evil people exist all over the world, but I have never seen one who doesn’t have they own reasons to be so bad, it doesn’t excuse their actions nor really explains them. We do not want justifications we want explanations. If you are justifying evil behavior then do it, but don’t claim that it is a pure evil character. A pure evil character can be fun, can be interesting, he can be deep, it’s all about balancing all of their traits to truly make them greats. Which is why midori succeeds while current villains fail. Current stupid remake/spin off try to justify the behavior because they feel like this is what the audience wants, but it’s not what we need. So I will defend to the grave evil villains.

Creating an evil villain doesn’t make them boring guys.

Why the heck does big budget movies have either the blandest protagonist or the blandest villains sometimes both, like I said evil people do exist but comically evil character only works in satire not in a serious multiple millions of dollar movie. Example that boring ass avatar movie, the one with blue people, none of the characters are interesting the villain is one note. The lords of the rings also suffers from that, but I don’t care because the protagonist are so awesome that sauron being personality less doesn’t matter. Also sauron is more of a force of nature villains so it’s not the same. The recent kingsman movie has a bland one note villain, there is nothing entertaining, funny, about him he’s just evil, borrrrring. Every Disney remakes depiction of the characters are boring. I just feel bored out of my mind. Atla one of my favorite shows of all time has a main villain that’s kinda one note, Ozai, but he is actually intimidating guy, azula is the superior character, but I wouldn’t consider her a villain she is an antagonist though. I honestly don’t get why Hollywood thinks that just creating a character with no personality and whose only goals is to be evil is good.

So back to midori for a second, here is my question, when midori was on screen did you ever feel bored? Never right! Because despite midori being an evil character he has an actual personality, he’s fun, you want to punch him in the balls. Because midori has other personality traits than evil, midori is petty, childish, extremely intelligent, controlling, a natural manipulator, he is a trickster, he doesn’t seem to get some social norms, he is narcissistic, easily angry, and fears death etc See how I counted a lot of traits, traits that in other character would works, midori has positive traits, and I think that is the best thing nankidai could have ever done, midori has traits that a regular person could have. Which is why if I put midori in any settings his character would work.

Example, instead of a death game the cast is under the sea to discover the insane wildlife and supernatural stuff happening, what would midori do in this situation? Well he would very passionate about finding all of what’s happening, he’ll do anything to find out, even sometime sacrificing others, not only will he try to find what’s happening, but he is also going to try to find a way to make this discovery favour him in the end. Or let’s imagine it’s a vampire situation, where a vampire attacks  the city, midori would try to stop it, not because he cares, but to experiment on them to get their biology and finds the real secret of immortality since he fears death.

Here is my second advice, after creating your character try to imagine them in another completely different situation, like normal life, or a fantasy world, ask yourself the question what would they do in that environment? If you can find a real complete explanation of their actions then yes your character has multiples dimensions if not try thinking about it again. Some example of questions I do want to point out are some like “if my character had all the power in the world what would they do first or”, “if my character had only a day left to live what would they do”

Why is Current media incapable of creating good threats like bruhhhh.

Okay so first of all let’s talk about stakes in a story, let’s say you are watching a slasher movie, slowly the cast gets slimmed down and people die in horrible ways, that should set stakes right ? Well if the villain is an absolute buffoon who makes the stupidest actions and decisions in the world, you wouldn’t feel intimidated at all because despite what the filmmaker might try to say the plot armor will NEVER make a character intimidating. It’s just like a detective character who just seems to know everything without a thought, well you won’t really fear the character failing. Worse is the the final girl, who is for some reason always escaping the slasher guy by pure luck every time, she is shown as incompetent but still she survives, which make the villain seem completely incapable so now you feel nothing.

To avoid this filmmaker often use techniques such has unpredictability, I mean good I mean good ones, for example instead of immediately seeing whose going to survive because the black guys always dies first and the virgin white woman is the last survivor, change the status quo, make us think that this character is obviously safe while they actually aren’t at all. Or actually make them menacing by SHOWING to the audience how horrible dangerous they can be. Which is why SHOW DON’T TELL is so important, telling us how dangerous someone can be only to see them get beaten to death at the end of the movie makes us feel nothing.

Midori felt like a impossible person to beat, he is smart, had twenty plans in advance, even in situation where the cast felt like they might have a chance he was always armed, just like the gun he promised to use or the rocket punch. When they felt like they were finally advancing, he put obstacle in their ways, such as the collar game or the moment he put the collar on explode mode for  ranmaru. The entire point in the murder game was to make time pass, it took a long time for the cast top realize that this whole time they were losing precious time not realizing that the dummies were the real problem. The characters that made you feel the most hopeless were the dummies, if you won by killing midori they would die, but if you lost you might lose people you love (keiji or gin). It felt hopeless because they were no solutions in the end. That creates tension so that creates stakes. If we were told how dangerous unpredictable sou was then it wouldn’t hit the same, we are shown that he is that terrible. There is a scene ingame where bbg shin ai tells us that midori tortured and like to destroy people. That’s exposition so TELL, but do you why it works, because we are SHOWN before his behavior. Midori felt unbeatable, so the fact that we were shown his weakness such has his petty behavior, hatred of minors, and fear of death, for the first time it feels like there is a chance that we might survive this. And still after he isn’t shown has an incompetent buffoon, he is one, but the narrative doesn’t show us that he is.

What is also consider is good to make the audience feel actual stakes is to first really develop well the main characters, how can we feel worry for a character if we don’t know them, the audience need to feels emotional connection to the main cast to actually care. You can use things such has moments where there is nothing special happening just character talking getting to know them. Make us feel why we need to care about them possibly losing, instead of being indifferent. Or I don’t know maybe make an entire spin off game where we get to have the cast talk to each other and seeing dynamics between character that died early to get them a chance to shine and make their death even more tragic, or even make mini episodes of characters who only got a single chapter to show off their characteristic, to get us to know them better? But that’s just a silly idea of course, wink, and wink.

My favorite thing about Midori is that he is actually pathetic, like really pathetic, but weirdly realistic?

Midori is the most pathetic character in the cast, yes more than shin, shin is leagues less pathetic. No I’m not saying that midori is not intimidating or scary, I would piss myself if I saw him. He’s a scary guy. But if you look at him more closely you can see that he is a baby brat in a big boy suit.

So let’s start by something clear, Sou Hiyori clearly displays antisocial behavior, or in common terms he is a psychopath/sociopath, this illness is very badly seen in medias, I am not saying that people who lacks empathy like him are inherently bad, he is, a lot of people with antisocial behavior actually suffers a lot and have a difficult life. Sou real issues is not his antisocial behavior, it’s his narcissism and god complex. Sou feels the need to HAVE CONTROL over others, he like the feeling of being in power, he sees the rest of the world has beneath him, toys for his pleasure. He says that he “really like humans” because despite it all he seems to put himself in a different categories than regular people, they are beneath him. When he loses control his calm and cool behavior disappears and we see his true face, a grown man who has throws a tantrum like a baby. One of the best representation of this is midori views on the cast:

Midori hates kanna, like no jokes he has beef with her, a fourteen years old, actually he has beef with a lot of people in the cast. Midori views emotional people has weak, people who are loving optimistic as beneath him and useless. He preferred when sara was cruel and horrible, that’s what he loved about her, he liked seeing her scary emotionless side. But Kanna, kanna is everything he hates. A crybaby who not only puts the group in harmony, is a source of hope in general, is the reason he near got to have closure with shin (killing him), he views kanna as “not fun shin”. We have many proofs for this, if you type the word kanna kizuchi he says this: “Poor Kanna'd weep! I think a more worthless name would be better for someone like me” He mocks her, but also himself (I’lll come back on this later), he calls her worthless. Also in the electric charge minigame, when he can choose who to shocks he chooses two people in particular, kanna who he hates and hinako who ruined his fun by giving the cast a chance in saving ranmaru. But he does also says mean spirited stuff to other people, qtaro and gin. He also says some sarcastic comments about nao and joe, saying that it’s such a shame that they died so young. But you might say why kanna especially? Because he is a petty baby who is jealous of kanna, Yes jealous, of kanna, a fourteen years old. Because he feels like she stole his hubby wubby shin away from him…. God I hate him. And you know what that make him a pathetic idiot, after the scene where kanna beats his ass, he’s all mad and like “uhh I’m going to pout I wanted you to cry like a lot, now I’m gonna cry”. An that’s actually god, because it humanize him, he wants need thoughts, he isn’t one note, and that’s the most important!

Sou is a villain but before that he is a character, a fully developed character, and THAT’S WHAT MAKE HIM GREAT, Sou works because he works realistically, I mean if you forget the robot part, it’s easy to imagine a narcissist man child who needs to feel in power towards other, so his main prey are young vulnerable people.Which leads me to my next point:

Sou is a failure like really, and we aren’t sad for him.

Sou failed everything he worked on, he failed to get the paper from alice, he failed whith shin since he had to leave earlier than he thought he would leave, because of his mistake he lost his position in the death game, then he failed to kill gin or keiji, and then he died like an idiot losing his cool and acting like a toddler. And he knows it that why he is a bit self-hating (he should be). And yet none of us feel any sympathy towards him, why? Because sou is one of the most despicable guy in existence. He is a disgusting pervert, sadistic asshole, and abusive narcissistic cunt who thinks he is better than everyone. From the bottom of my heart I hate him sooooo much he is literally the character I hate the most in existence. He abused shin, ruined keiji’s life, traumatized the entire cast, literally assaulted sara like he physically assaulted her. He mocked nao and joe and kugie life as useless. He is an obsessive jerk AND I HATE HIM. And you know what…… It’s good. Like I actually feel a lot of emotions when I think about him, he fuels me with anger and disgust, and if your characters can make me feel that much rage then you did it, you created an actual perfect character. Hiyori is such a shit person that I think about him a lot, writers shouldn’t be scared to make a character such hittable assholes, example bojack horseman in bojack horseman is the vilest man on earth and I love it, because I genuinely hate him. Just like I genuinely love kanna, like really I really love her, I in the same time despise midori so bad. We hate him because he is horrible to good people that WE KNOW AND CARE ABOUT, not random npcs. There is a lot of… disgusting implications in his story with shin that I will not talk about it makes me really uncomfortable right now. SO HERE IS A VERY TACKY TRANSITION TO TALK ABOUT WHY I HATE JUNKO FROM DANGANRONPA.

Junko is boring, that’s it, she is boring, not funny not interesting, she is a fetish, she is the biggest Mary sue on earth, she is a gross character made to make fun of people with disabilities and queer people. Her only traits is being crazy, that’s it. I wouldn’t call midori that crazy actually, he’s methodical calculated, and precise. Crazyness is a term for people who aren’t in control of their actions and delusional about reality, sou is not crazy, he knows what he is doing, he is in full control, while characters like shin should actually be consider crazy, like shin is actually crazy but sou isn’t.

Conclusion:

Sou is a breath of fresh air, because nankidai had the balls to write an actually interesting deep and threatening character AND make him a villain. He didn’t fall into the trap of making him have a sad backstory or good motives, sou is just selfish, that’s all he is. He make him a fun entertaining guy who you absolutely hates, he made him threatening and at the same time a complete doofus. He made him humane and pathetic.

But the thing that make me love nankidai the most is this

The fact that he actually killed him that takes courage as a writer to just end a character THAT WAY, which is why midori will never come back alive he is forever dead. And that take a lot of talents as a writer to just take one of the most important characters and just get him drilled to death in the anus, like dammn nankidai you are a savage. That fact alone makes him one of the best characters in game, I hate him as a person, but has a character he is a masterpiece.

Though Kanna could solo him

this was posted as a video on my blog this is mainly so people who don't want to stay there reading a 24 minute video of my stuttering can have a bit of quiet

[kumabeom]

this love - kang taehyun

final letter ; kiss me

synopsis: what happens when soccer player!kang taehyun, who isn’t focused on school but is smart enough to pass, sees yn walk in the hallways nearly everyday after homecoming. taehyun’s new hallway crush begins to grow into something bigger, but what happens when he has to make a choice between yn or continuing to fail school ? will taehyun be able to focus on sports, classes, and trying to win yn over ?

“yn this is so ridiculous.” beomgyu stated, pacing around in your room with you. a slick black tuxedo showed off his more sharper side, the side of beomgyu that would make just about anyone swoon. “you can’t just let him get away with the shit he pulled.

“i’m not letting him get away with anything beomgyu… i’m just making sure he’s serious about all of this.. and maybe i just need to make sure that if he isn’t serious then i won’t feel attached.”

“and you’re doing that by giving him the favor of spending an important night with him ?” beomgyu sighed, he knew that you just wanted to spend the night with taehyun. it was the thing that you were looking forward to throughout the past few months ever since taehyun had promposed, beomgyu knew that. he listened to you ramble on about how much taehyun cared for you and how magical you imagined the night would go. “are you denying the truth or are you lying to me ?”

you turned your head, as beomgyu took a seat next to you. you avoided making eye contact with him.

“i still like him.. beomgyu.. i just..- i know he didn’t have a choice. he did what he thought was good for me, and even if it wasn’t the right thing.. he still put me over his own self. y’know… it’s the thought that has me so stuck up on him. but i don’t want to let him win me over so easily, i want to hate him, but i can’t..” you admit, feeling a bit embarrassed from your confession to beomgyu. which he only put an arm around your shoulder, pulling you in a bit.

“have you talked to sunghoon since y’know.. that day..?” beomgyu hesitantly asked as you pulled away a bit to make eye contact with the boy who sat in front of you.

“no.. i’ve been trying to talk to him but he’s been avoiding me. sunghoon’s a cool person and all, but i don’t think i ever saw him in that way.. y’know ?” you questioned, “even when i wasn’t with taehyun, i think.. i just always saw sunghoon as a friend.”

“don’t feel bad just because you didn’t have the same feelings, yn. that’s probably why sunghoon didn’t tell you, he probably knew that you’d feel so guilty over not liking him back. in fact, im surprised that you didn’t end up with him out of guilt.” beomgyu advised, a tiny smile reappearing on your face. you pulled beomgyu into a tight, warm hug.

“thank you so much, beomgyu.. for like- everything. you’re always looking out for me. and even though you don’t really like taehyun, you’re supporting my feelings.. and you always have.” you can’t help but feel your heart warm up from looking back at just how much beomgyu has been supporting you no matter what. everyone knew beomgyu as a silly guy who took nothing serious, but others knew beomgyu took him as this serious person who always showed empathy to those he loved. however, you knew the real beomgyu, the beomgyu who would give anyone the cold shoulder if they gave you the wrong look. the real beomgyu that constantly gave you a shoulder to cry on and would make you laugh the tears away. beomgyu wasn’t just funny or only sympathetic, beomgyu was a passionate person who cared about his loved ones, he wanted to see them laugh while also being sure to be the supportive person that he always wished to be. and he never failed at making you comfortable, you always felt like you could rant to him, and you always knew that you could tell him a terrible dad joke and he would still give you an impressive laugh which would only prove to be contagious as you would start a fit of laughter.

beomgyu was.. beomgyu. a kind hearted boy who was there for all the people he loved. if you were sure that you wanted to be with taehyun, then he was okay with it.

“that’s what i’m here for ! just, don’t replace me..” beomgyu mumbled into your shoulder. a small huff coming from your mouth as you suddenly pull away from the hug, catching beomgyu completely off guard.

“ha ! as if you’re replaceable !! you’re a one of a kind beomgyu !!” you jokingly argue, seeing beomgyu’s lips grow into a huge grin. just as the two of you were about to get into another rage of laughter, you phone rang, seeing the bolded letters read ‘taehyun 🚫’. you took a look at beomgyu then back at your phone.

“answer it !” beomgyu exclaimed, picking up your phone and handing it to you as you panicked to swipe the green phone button.

“hello..?” taehyun answered the phone wondering why there was no noise coming from your end. he fumbled with the buttons on his tuxedo, being sure to look his nicest for you.

“oh. hi !” you say a bit too aggressively even though you didn’t mean to come off aggressive. you nervously begin to bite at your lip, before stopping due to receiving a cold stare from beomgyu.

“yn.. i’m outside for whenever you’re ready..” taehyun mumbled into the phone, taking out a bouquet from the backseat of his car. he messed around with the petals ensuring that the bouquet looked as lively as it could.

beomgyu gave you one last look, “if you don’t think you can spend the rest of the night with taehyun. just give us as call.. and we’ll be by your side,” you grinned, thanking beomgyu for his kind actions and for offering his shoulder for support. beomgyu had proven himself to be your biggest supporter ever. you give him one final hug before hurrying outside, spotting taehyun. his eyes widened as he took a singular look at you. his heart pounding, his anxiety piling onto him as he took a minute to catch a breath, trying to find words to tell you.

“yn.. you look.. really really pretty..” taehyun complimented, sticking out a bouquet filled with different colored hydrangeas. a tiny smile on his face, he pointed to the pink hydrangeas, “pink hydrangeas are the most romantic flowers… umm.. they also resemble a beating heart..” taehyun mumbled the last part, his own heart beating at a rapid pace. he couldn’t mess this up at all, he had to make you happy no matter what. if you wanted him to spend thousands of dollars on a piece of jewelry then he was willing to go into debt for the rest of his life to make you happy. and taehyun was sure that he’d never regret that decision, especially since it was something that he was doing for you. if you wanted him to truly stay away from you for the rest of your life then he was willing to do so if it was going to make you happy. if there was anything in the world that you wanted or wished to happen, then taehyun was willing to do anything to make it happen.

“thanks..” you sent a tiny and awkward smile towards taehyun’s way. he reached out for your hand, which you hesitantly accepted, on the roof of his car, rested a small box. he opened it, a blue hydrangea peeking its petals out from the box. he picked up the flower from the box, attached to it was a pearly bracelet. taehyun’s placed the corsage onto your wrist. “what does this one mean..” you knew very well what a blue hydrangea meant, but something inside of you wanted to make sure that taehyun was on the same page as you. you needed to know that taehyun didn’t just get a blue hydrangea because he thought it was cute. luckily for you, taehyun did extensive research on hydrangeas, he didn’t stop for the first flower that he found. rather he took time to find a flower that you liked while knowing the meaning behind it.

“so many people agree that blue hydrangeas are really, really pretty.. but personally i’ve said things to you that i don’t mean… things that i regret ever even thinking about saying to you, so.. blue hydrangeas represent regret and apology. i’m sorry for everything i've done to you, sorry for all the pain i’ve caused you.. please be patient with me.” a soft smile appeared on your face, happy to see taehyun pass your test.

“should we just.. forget about everything ?” you asked, so far you were pleased with the way that taehyun was treating you, you were so impressed with everything that taehyun had done for you so far, in all honesty this was just the beginning. you wanted to spend the rest of the night with taehyun, happily. you at least wanted a remarkable prom night, and even though you wanted to hate taehyun, something inside of you just couldn’t bring yourself to truly hate the boy.. that very same thing inside of you told you that taehyun was the only person who could grant you a happy night. “at least for tonight..”

“if it’ll make you happy, we can do anything you’d like.” taehyun grinned, pulling you into a sweetly warm embrace. he grabbed your bouquet, placing it in the backseat of his car, before hurrying over to open the passenger door for you. which you gladly accepted, taking a seat in the passenger’s seat. waiting for him to come over to the driver’s seat, which you didn’t wait long for him to do.

the two of you sat in silence on your way to the venue, not much to say after taehyun had given his apology. you continuously looked at the corsage that taehyun had gifted you, eyes trying to hide just how much you loved it. the smile that you tried to hold back, the one that would give away all just how vulnerable you were to taehyun’s loving actions. everything that he had done so far was telling you exactly just how the night was going to end. how you were going to be back into your romantic dream of a relationship. taehyun noticed the look behind your eyes, a bit of relaxation running through him, his eyes staying on the road, yet a part of him still wanted to turn to look at your flustered state. your focus moved from the corsage to the dark blue sky, attempting to calm your flustered state down. you were nearly worried that taehyun could hear the intense pounding of your heart. it had been such a good minute since you had felt so.. loved.

you caught the passing scenery, beginning to melt into the current warmth that you felt emitting from taehyun and perhaps the nervous yet excited feeling that you felt deep down in your tummy. taehyun put the car in park as soon as he found parking outside the venue. you stepped outside the car, waiting for taehyun patiently as he walked around. hand in hand, the two of you walked towards the entrance of the venue taking out your ticket to show the two teachers who were waiting by the entrance to overlook any kind of people who were sneaking in. as soon as both you and taehyun gave them your names, they nicely welcomed you in, wishing you an amazing night.

“did you eat beforehand ?” taehyun yelled into your ear, attempting to speak over the music. you could barely catch what he was saying, nodding to his question, before asking him the same thing. taehyun just nodded, knowing that he was lying because he just couldn’t bring himself to have a meal, not when he felt so nervous and clammy. this entire time, he had put so much work and effort into your relationship, and all he could wish for was for tonight to go his way.

both you and taehyun spent sometime dancing with each other, quietly. the two of you were too afraid to say anything, afraid to break the oddly calm tension between you two. however, just as you left the dance floor.

you caught sunghoon’s presence, watching as he tried to pass by you and hoping to not grab your attention. however that seemed to fail as you grabbed a hold of his wrist, taehyun watching intently, feeling worried. had he done something wrong ? were you going to ditch him for sunghoon ? his overthinking began to overwhelm him, keeping his hand in yours. hoping that you wouldn’t call him out for his sweaty palms. it was impossible to not notice the clingy hold that taehyun had on your hand, worried that you’d leave him. you gave his hand a reassuring squeeze, pulling him to your side.

“sunghoon ?”

“oh, yn.” you noticed ning ning by his side as she began to feel quite awkward. after sunghoon had discussed everything out with taehyun, he decided to take ning ning out as his friendly prom date. she didn’t mean to avoid you like sunghoon had suggested, but she did want to avoid any question about who she was going to prom with which eventually meant avoiding you and beomgyu, even taehyun as well. for some odd reason, she felt like she was betraying you by agreeing to sunghoon’s promposal.

“can we talk ?” you asked, giving a look between sunghoon and ning, trying to silently propose to talk alone. however you received a returning look from sunghoon to taehyun. you turned to look a him, holding onto his hand. a affirmative smile and a gentle shoulder squeeze was all it took to get him to stop worrying as much as he was. you followed sunghoon off to a more private area, less people surrounding you than where you were previously at. now you were in some sort of hallway that seemed to lead to the restrooms. two windows on the left wall and a painting hung in between the gap of the two windows. a small table underneath the painting.

“what do you want to talk about ?” sunghoon casually questioned, it nearly seemed as if the two of you had no issues to talk out.

“about me and you.. y’know exactly what i want to talk about ?”

“i do ?” sunghoon sarcastically answered, his eyebrow raised as he moved his foot, nearly playing around like a child.

“yes.. y’know, you liking me.. why are you avoiding me ? i’m sorry that i didn’t like you back, but i really loved you as a friend and i just don’t want us to fall apart due to such trivial issues.”

“well to you it may be trivial, yn. but this shit felt like the world to me. i helped you get through your breakup with taehyun and i know that he and i had this whole conversation about how he quite actually has your heart, but you need to give me some space, i can’t just.. i can’t just get over you so quickly. just trust me, a little more time to myself and i promise, we’ll be back to how we used to be, okay ?” he raised his eyebrows one last time before seeing you nod. “okay, don’t ruin your night because of me, i think taehyun wants to dance one last time with you.” sunghoon turned around and made immense eye contact with taehyun as you tried to see where he was looking at, as soon as you spotted taehyun, you went right into his direction. attempting to push through the crowd to get to taehyun, who ended up doing the same thing, meeting him in the middle of the crowd, tiny smiles created.

the two of you followed the crowd, hearing the supervisors countdown to their announcement on prom king and queen. you held taehyun nearby, even playing with his fingers, awaiting for the announcement to be made. the way that the two of you were together fooled everyone, it seemed as if nothing ever happened and as if nothing could ever happen to split the two of you apart. the body language was the same as to when you and taehyun were still together with only a few differences that only the two of you could notice, the only other difference was the lack of words that the two of you were barely exchanging.

“after counting all the votes, tonight’s prom king is..” your principal leads up to the answer asking for a drum roll before quickly announcing, “kang taehyun !!” you clap for the boy, immediately releasing him from your grasp. as he stood there, taking a minute to process everything. you ushered him up to the stage, before attempting to leave.

“yn.. don’t go just yet.” taehyun winked before proceeding to give back the spotlight to your principal. she gave a tiny smile, knowing that taehyun had worked rather hard for his plan to be fulfilled.

“and it’s only fitting to announce that tonight’s prom queen, is none other than, l/n y/n !!” the principal announced, you stood there stunned, seeing taehyun hold out his hand for you. for the past month he had spent time communicating with his close friends and any acquaintances to vote for you and him as both king and queen. spending time persuading his close friends to tell anyone they knew to vote for you. and to be fair, taehyun was the school’s sweetheart, it was impossible to not do as he kindly asked. you hesitantly took his hand, shyly walking up the stage.

you and taehyun had plastic crowns placed on your heads, a tiny smile on your face, unable to believe everything that was happening. you couldn’t believe that even the principal knew all about taehyun’s plan. slow music began to play, as you knew that the prom king and queen had to dance together, the two of you moved down to the center of the dance floor, placing you hand on taehyun’s shoulder, as he placed his hand on your waist. the two of you gently moved to the rhythm as everyone else followed, getting their loved one or even their closest friend and beginning to slow dance with them.

“i want you for worse or for better, i would wait forever and ever. broke your heart, i’ll put it back together.” taehyun nervously whispered into your ear, his hands caressing yours as he pulled away placing a small grin on his face. a ridiculous amount of butterflies filled your stomach, forgetting that you and taehyun were in the center of the dance floor. ignoring all the people around you, a giggle exiting your mouth as you realized exactly what taehyun was saying.

“are you serious ?” you spoke, a smile decorating your face as you looked into taehyun’s eyes. eyes filled with nothing but love for you, nothing you would refuse to accept.

“you’re really pretty.” taehyun commented, his ears beginning to burn after being caught reusing taylor swift lyrics in order to save his own relationship. he changed the subject, fixing the gem-filled crown that rested atop your head. his hand moved to rest on your waist extending the arm that kept your hand in his, his hand left your waist in order to move your hand onto his shoulder, before returning to your waist. as he began to move his feet to the rhythm.

“you’re so cute.” you broke taehyun’s long rampage of silence, a smirk returning to his face as his confidence was beginning to fade back into his life.

“but you’re even cuter.” taehyun brought his hand up to caress your cheek. a comforting atmosphere finally being resettled between the two of you. your trust running back to you, as you took his hand and gently guided him out of the crowded venue, exiting and catching a cold spring breeze. you saw the cherry blossoms that had petals falling off of the branches, already imagining the romance movie-like scene that would be created. taehyun couldn’t help but chuckle at your rather cutely excited state. running to the trees before finally facing him once again, hand in hand. you looked down before bringing your eyes up to his, taehyun looked ethereal in the moonlight, his features being brought to light by the streetlights. light reflecting off of the concrete road.

“so.. you’ve really made me realize so many of things taehyun. one.. you’ve made me realized that i really can’t live without you, even after everything and trying to see you in such a negative light, i had such a hard time hating you because it was just so impossible. it was hard to even think that someone who has loved me and treated me like no one else has ever cared for me could truly just be in this relationship for the academic benefits. another thing that you taught me is that, love truly blinds people. i think that i was so caught up in my own pain that i never really realized or processed the things that you said to me, that you broke up with me for my own good. looking back at it now, i get it, you just didn’t want to see me in pain, but you shouldn’t be the one to decide what happens to me. i know you were looking out for me, but we could’ve spared both of our feelings if we had better communication to begin with.. i shouldn’t have blamed everything on just you, it was also my fault, for not understanding..”

“yn.. you had every right to be upset, i said things to you that i didn’t mean. those things aren’t the best words to hear from someone who’s supposed to love you. just trust me when i say that i didn’t want to say any of that, trust me when i tell you that you’re the person who i, this is gonna sound really cringy and weird.. but i just, i want to spend my future with you..” taehyun frowns, beginning to fear that maybe he was planning way too ahead into the future than you were ready for. you’d never really thought about anything so far into the future as taehyun had. you’d only thought about enjoying the memories you were creating with taehyun. however, the more that taehyun’s words sunk into your mind, the more you realized that a future with taehyun wouldn’t be so bad. in fact, it seemed quite surreal. you could almost imagine it now, waking up next to taehyun, exchanging homemade packed lunches for each other. spending life with each other even through ups and downs, you were nearly sure that taehyun could never purposely want to hurt you. after all, everything that had happened was because of something out of his control. well not exactly, but you knew that if it wasn’t for that then taehyun would’ve never exchanged such cruel words to you.

your hands gave taehyun’s a small affirmative squeeze, looking at him with a wide smile. beginning to reach up onto your tip toes to reach his mouth. your lips pressing against his as you couldn’t help but let your happiness and excitement get the best of you. it was all just so- romantic. you didn’t care if taehyun’s words were cheesy, all you wanted was to make sure that he stuck by his words and that you would be able to spend the rest of your life with him no matter how many hurdles life would throw at the two of you.

you pressed your ear against taehyun’s warm chest. a happy smile resting on your face, a comfortable silence resting in the atmosphere. taehyun’s hands ran through your hair, soft tiny grin decorating his already handsome face.

you couldn’t be any happier, with taehyun back on your side, you knew that all of this was unbelievable. if someone told you in the beginning of the year that you would end up arm in arm with kang taehyun, you would’ve looked at them oddly. you with the school’s athletic sweetheart ? tutoring the sweet boy and getting to know him ? you would’ve been shocked to hear how on the first day of tutoring you would be absolutely enamored by kang taehyun. his once-hallway crush was now in his arms, as his lover. he couldn’t mess this up, he didn’t plan on doing so either.

“what’s your favorite flower..” taehyun questioned one last time.

“pink hydrangeas, it hasn’t changed. yours ?”

“i have a lot, mistletoes, petunias, primrose, lavender roses.. even red tulips.”

you looked at taehyun, feeling so fulfilled by his innocent confession, pressing one last kiss on his lips.

©️kumabeom

red tulips : believe me. declaration of love

lavender rose : enchantment. love at first sight.

primrose : i can’t live without you

petunias : your presence soothes me

mistletoe : kiss me. affection.

this love taglist : @run2seob @soobadooba @soobnuuy @pockychuwu @crazynyctophilia @rencarnationofangel @esther-kpopstan @mrsyawnzzn @matcha-binz @michinri @hanstarrs @ariam-96 @pinkheadflowers @kittyhyuka @run4gyu @txnwvc

an: this is the last chapter or “letter”…. kinda sad but i had to finish it especially because i felt like i was less dedicated to writing this smau than i was with anti romantic. i just feel like this smau lacked a conflict even though i think it had a stronger conflict. i actually know what im doing for my next smau but i really want to write a good handful of chapters before posting because… i really don’t trust myself to be consistent. i will try to post one shots in between the time that it takes me to finish the smau. hint : it has to do with a poll i did a while ago. ALSO HOW DID YALL LIKE TXT’S COMEBACK ? I LOVE MIRACLE !! also who’s going to see txt !! i’m seeing them both days in rosemont 🤭🤭

[possamble]

Like take for example how she treats healing Laios leg!! We *never* see someone who was healed have lasting symptoms from a heal. It *itches* terribly — Laios looks like he will scratch it raw. The itching implies an incomplete heal — you only itch that bad when something is being regrown or scabbing like when you get tattoos. There’s something that needs to finish healing. This scene always stood out to me— because Falin notices and *heals* it. And that brought up a ton of questions for me (We see her cast magic, was it to soothe the itching? A phantom pain? Why was it itching in the first place? Didn’t Marcille finish the job? Why was he having after effects we never see someone have any before?) and i’m breaking my brain over it because is this an sign of Marcille’s engagement with healing in general? Perfunctory—a means to an end? Morals? I feel like there is something there for us because that scene wasn’t necessary to the plot so why did Ryoko Kui add this interaction? I think how Marcille engages with healing was telling us a lot more than I previously realized because she was in a medical researcher position before coming into the dungeon however when we see how this was practically applied by her was really interesting!! She’s so divorced from feeling empathy for the pain of healing and i think that’s some sort of self-preservation instinct. Idk i just feel like her engagement with healing is so fucking fascinating when juxtaposed with her beliefs on death pls share thots if any

I think what gets hidden in the details about Marcille’s healing is that no, she’s not a talented cleric and healer in the way that Falin is. But Fantasy settings tend to relegate healing towards “holy” and “good” magic that never causes harm—

and Marcille is what you’d get if you put a doctor and a surgeon with a modern, more realistic approach towards medicine in a genre that doesn’t usually allow for that. 

Like, you’ll see surgeons or doctors secretly being incredibly efficient serial killers in TV thrillers everywhere—but a fantasy series with a cleric or healer that’s secretly great at killing is a bit more rare to find(though not nonexistent, admittedly). Healing magic tends to be painted as either a religious discipline that’s not accessible to those who don’t have a tie to a deity or some ineffable force in the universe, or a matter of accessing some natural “life force” that exists in all living beings. 

Dungeon Meshi, of course, loves bending fantasy conventions in the most incredible ways, so that’s not how it works here. The series allows itself to contend with the fact that healing a human body requires extensive and painstakingly detailed knowledge of that body.

The reason that Falin might appear to be a much more talented healer than Marcille is because Kui dresses her up in all the archetypal traits of a Caring Cleric, and that immediately clicks with readers expecting fantasy conventions in ways that Marcille's expertise doesn't.

This isn’t to discredit Falin, obviously. She is a talented healer, as attested to by Marcille herself:

But the interesting thing is that she does it all on instinct, so it’s not an exact knowledge. Furthermore, she uses the gnomish system of healing, which is implied to rely more on the judgment and knowledge of natural spirits (and therefore takes less mana). So it’s not hard to imagine that she would have less exact knowledge of how the human body operates than Marcille does as a medical researcher. 

And that in and of itself raises questions: In a world where magic can immediately re-attach a limb, why would medical research be necessary? But Dungeon Meshi makes it clear that healing magic isn’t perfect, nor “holy” magic—it’s simply magic, like any other, carefully tailored to operate within the confines of what a human body needs in order to keep living. It’s not able to cure everything, and it especially seems to have gaps in terms of being able to treat illnesses that aren’t immediately solvable injuries.

And that all ties into Marcille's attitude towards it: It's a scientific and magical discipline like any other that requires careful study. There's nothing inherently good or bad about it—it was made by people, for people, and what matters is how you use it.

So, Marcille was at the academy, studying the ways that illness happens in a body, and carefully writing new magic to counteract or at least mitigate it.

(How I interpreted this was that she was likely part of research teams dealing with complicated things like autoimmune diseases, cancer, and other things where the body isn’t technically injured by a foreign element, but erroneously harming itself due to internal reasons.)

For me, this kind of explains her approach to pain in healing:

Honestly, what this immediately reminded me of was that a friend of mine had to have surgery on their throat when they were younger, and part of the procedure was waking them up without anaesthesia right after the surgery to make sure that they could still feel everything. They told me it was the worst pain they’d ever felt in their entire life—but from a medical perspective, it was necessary to make sure that none of the critical nerves in the neck had been affected. 

Sometimes in medicine, pain is necessary because it’s not some uncomplicated and bad thing—it’s a response of your nervous system, and sometimes the only indicator that your body is still working the way it should. And I think this is the mindset that Marcille has, which is why she seems so blase about it—she doesn’t think that she’s actually hurting people, it’s just a necessary part of the healing process. 

And in some ways, she just sees it as a realistic downside of the fact that you have to recover quickly in dungeon situations:

Normal recovery would take months. Healing magic shortens that to a few seconds. The pain is a result/tradeoff of forcing something that would naturally take a long time into such a short timespan. This all makes sense and is Right and Correct and Normal in Marcille's mind. It's not that she lacks empathy and doesn't care enough about not harming her patients: she doesn't think that it's "harm" at all.

Not a shred of guilt in that face before causing extreme pain. Contrast this to her constant fussing over Izutsumi on the smallest things—it's hard to believe she wouldn't even be a little apologetic if she actually believed this would be hurtful in a way that matters.

I think this is overall, less indicative of any lack of empathy so much as her incredibly stubborn and sometimes ridiculous way of compartmentalizing things to her own internal rules. I’d even argue that this mindset is preferable in surface situations, where people have the luxury of time. Dungeon healing hurts because it has to be fast and instantaneous—but if you're just treating a broken bone that can be put in a cast with slower healing magic to help, wouldn't you prefer that over an instant heal with the chance to cause brain damage, no matter how minuscule the chance is? Shouldn’t your long-term health matter more than short-term recovery and some pain?

To touch on Laios’s leg injury—we actually do see this kind of reaction to healing magic later on in the manga. When Marcille is teaching Laios how to heal, she ends up bowling him over because her cut gets super itchy:

but then she reacts positively and tells him that it's supposed to happen, before trusting him enough to try it on Senshi.

So while yes, it was an “incomplete” heal, I don’t think it was particularly telling about her approach to healing. And honestly, judging by the fact that it only distracted him when he was relaxed enough to be cleaning his armour before bed, it looks like she connected all the major muscles and nerves enough not to cause pain or risk re-injury by moving, but just left superficial stuff for Laios’s body to naturally heal. 

Her mindset makes sense in context: She also had to heal Chilchuck and Senshi, while conserving enough energy to immediately start digging for Falin’s body and potentially do a very taxing resurrection spell as soon as possible. 

After that, Falin healed the rest of Laios’s leg injury in a situation where it wasn’t needed, but there were no other high stakes to discourage it. Also, she can’t bear to see others in pain. ambrosiagourmet already did an incredible analysis of how this empathy doesn't really signify perfect altruism so much as Falin's deep discomfort with having to witness pain, so I won't go into that too much—but the important part is, Falin isn't inherently a more caring healer than Marcille. They are both making decisions for the patient based on their own approaches to healing—it's just that Falin's approach is preferable for dungeoneering overall.

(In Marcille's defense, it seems that dungeons are an incredibly specific environment that falls way outside the realm of what's actually taught to mages in most schools. Being a combat-oriented mage actually seems pretty frowned upon.)

So, in a lot of ways, Marcille is both realistic about dungeon healing (mana conservation by not doing full heals when not necessary, thinking about pain as the condensation of the time it would have taken to naturally heal, etc.) and very unrealistic about it. What she doesn’t realize is that the pain matters: In a dungeon, people have to be up and ready to continue right away, over and over. If it hurts every time, that makes them very averse to being healed, stressed out about getting injured, and affects their performance as dungeoneers.

All that to say… I personally believe that Marcille is very passionate about healing people. Not healing magic necessarily, but medicine as a whole. It’s not just a means to an end—it’s her main area of study only second to her research into ancient magic. And sure, she might have gotten into it because of her fear of death—but what I think people don’t give enough credit to is that her motivations changed from when she was a child. 

You see it here, when she’s laying her dream outright to the Winged Lion: 

She might be kinda racist herself, hypocritical, and short-sighted (mostly out of ignorance, I’d argue), but at heart, she hates that people hurt each other. She hates that long-lived races look down on everyone else just because of lifespan. She has—arguably very correctly—identified the disparity in lifespans as one of the main causes of interracial strife, and she wants to get rid of it so that everyone can fully understand and relate to each other as equals. 

And in some ways, it’s not even that insane of a dream. 

Knowing that people used to live as long as she’ll have to, and something changed in the eons since, is it really that weird for her to want to change it back somehow? 

But all that aside—the most important part of this to me is that… originally, she wasn’t actually that hung up on completely equalizing lifespans. She got into medicine because she wanted to, at the very least, close the gap as much as she could in her very long life. 

She was realistic about it at first. She thought that, by studying ancient magic’s ability to pull from the infinite, she could harness that infinite energy in tandem with medical knowledge to give more life to the short-lived races. 

But as she says it herself, it changed when she realized that she doesn’t have time to gradually unravel it on her own. 

So, yes. She got desperate. She got crazy. In light of all she did as dungeon lord, it’s easy to assume that she never cared much about healing as a profession, and is just a self-obsessed little girl caged by her trauma and trying to change the entire world to make sure she doesn’t have to be hurt. 

And… she is all that. She's my blorbo supreme but I'll be the first to insist that she is very much a complete hot mess. But my point is that these were very extreme circumstances, and Ryoko Kui has given us all the understated evidence we need to know that she’s actually a very passionate doctor otherwise. This is the girl who freaks out if she’s not useful to other people and not allowed to help:

Did actually get excited about making safe dungeons for helpful purposes beyond just learning more about ancient magic to fulfill her dream: 

And in tandem with her own personal trauma—not in opposition to it or to obscure it—cared about making life more peaceful and equal for everyone in the world. Not to mention, she had to have done some insane work to be acknowledged as the most talented researcher at the academy and be allowed onto teams that were researching new healing magics.

TL:DR, I think she has a lot of empathy for people and passion for helping them, it’s just expressed in a way you wouldn’t expect in a fantasy because Ryoko Kui doesn’t fuck around with her storytelling and genre subversion. She might not be a good archetypal healer, but she's an extremely knowledgeable doctor with a point-blank and intense attitude towards healing and medical treatment (see: her strictness about physical touch when teaching Laios about healing).

For me, all evidence points towards her going back to what she was doing before the story on top of her duties as Court Mage, kind of becoming a sort of Surgeon General for Melini as the head of health and safety for the country and whatnot. 

PS. I will admit that there's explicit evidence she's not good at healing here:

But this was also like... chapter 3. Written years ago. I personally feel that everything Kui has said about Marcille's background since is enough evidence that it was just a one-off joke before she had an airtight idea about who Marcille was and would be, but I'll concede that it's mostly conjecture.

But again, as I said, I believe that while she might not be the best at the heal spell that's used in Dungeons, she's passionate about being a medical researcher and the field of medicine as a whole.

[localtelephonebooth]

Thoughts on Kieran’s relationship with Ogerpon as a previously obsessive teenager:

(I did not proof read this. I just woke up, had the urge, and now it’s here.)

Kieran, to me, is a very relatable character. He is a shy, and quiet teenager in a small town. He lacks friendships and possibly meaningful connections with those who do spend time with him. He’s probably isolated due to the fact that he lacks a phone. Any friends he does make are likely school based only. So, Kieran latches on to anything he can to feel less alone in life. And of course he latches onto Ogerpon. Ogerpon is just like him. A sad “monster” all isolated and alone in the mountains. I’m certain that Kieran has fantasized about meeting Ogerpon and getting into wild adventures with her. I did the same thing with characters I enjoyed.

Princess Luna, for example (sorry to whiplash anyone with that), was a character I heavily related to. She was alone and isolated due to her previous actions. She struggled with fitting in and having a healthy relationship with her sister for awhile. To say I didn’t form an obsession with a character who understood my feelings would be a lie. I think Kieran is the same.

He became obsessed with Ogerpon. He become obsessed with the ideas he crafted of him and Ogerpon. In a way, that fantasy was VERY real to him. So when we come around and lie about meeting Ogerpon, and inevitably become friends with her behind his back, of course he freaks out! We stole his fantasy of him and Ogerpon! And that’s the key point here that people tend to not realize. We didn’t steal Ogerpon from Kieran, we just stole his fantasy and made it our reality.

With my obsession with princess Luna (again, whiplash), if anyone said they loved princess Luna it was a fucking attack on me. Princess Luna was my best friend, and she could only love me! Everyone else was just a jealous thief.

As an adult looking back on this mindset, it’s horribly embarrassing. It’s a mindset I carried into my real life, when I actually started making friends, that ruined so much for me. I lost friends because I was so angry that my fantasies were not reciprocated. I really do think Kieran does the same. He grows sad and frustrated over what happened with Ogerpon. His fantasy is just a fantasy, and that’s fucking with him. So naturally, he finds a new fantasy to, hopefully in his mind, make a reality. And so he chose battling and winning against you. The thing we used to “steal” Ogerpon away from him (Even though Kieran technically suggested battling for Ogerpon, I don’t doubt he used it to rationalize why she didn’t want to come with him). To him, being the best battler will solve everything. Kieran will get his revenge, he’ll finally be recognized, everyone can’t lie to him because they fear or admire him, and he’ll prove to Ogerpon he was the right choice.

.

Now, I want to say something about Kieran. A detail that, for whatever reason, people don’t like to acknowledge: He’s just a kid.

I’m not saying “He’s a widdle baby. He can do no harm!” No, Kieran’s an asshole. He became a bully. I can have empathy for his emotions, but not excuse his actions. He’s a dumb and entitled teenager with issues. And, quite obviously, he doesn’t really have a way to deal with his issues in a healthy manner (seriously, his school is based solely on battling. Anyone who’s going or gone to a specialized school can understand how toxic people can get in that type of environment. And don’t even get me started on the incompetence of the adults in Kieran’s school).

Kieran is a teenage boy growing up right now. He’s got a lot to work through, and a lot of people he’s gotta confront about his behavior. He was an asshole, a bully, and genuinely a bad person for minute. But that doesn’t mean he isn’t growing past that. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve recognition for his growth. You can recognize someone has changed and not forgive them.

Kieran is a really intriguing character and holds a valuable lesson in obsession. And I really wish people would recognize that he’s not just an irredeemable prick or an innocent little guy. He’s a kid learning. He’s going to make really stupid and bad mistakes. Just like how I, and probably you reading this, did.

Anyways, hopefully we see him interact with the Area Zero buddies. I think those three have amazing lessons that Kieran can learn from. Maybe Kieran can teach them a few things too!